Us Two
by bailey64
Summary: Everyone needs someone. A meeting between two old flames leads a to a rekindling of a relationship. Is the love between Jac and Joseph strong enough to survive complicated pasts, ex lovers and interfering family members?
1. Chapter 1

**Just a little one shot. Please don't be shy; please leave a review to let me know what you think :-)**

Joseph Byrne felt butterflies in his stomach as he sat waiting on a cold December afternoon for her, the love of his life. He had booked a room in the hotel they always used to meet up since he had left Holby. They had met up a handful of times, keeping the rendezvouses secret between two of them. He remembered their last meeting a little over a year ago when she'd told him she'd met someone. He could still feel the bitter disappointment as he realised she'd fallen in love with this one, it hadn't been a mere flight of fancy for her. They hadn't made love in that encounter but they had spent the night together anyway, laying together and talking. He remembered watching her sleep as he thought through the choices and possibilities available to him. He had let her go that morning, telling her if she wanted to make a go of it with this man then he wouldn't contact her again. He had kissed her cheek lightly as he added she could contact him anytime she needed to and he would always answer. He remembered her coy smile as she left the room without another word passing between them.

When he returned home he had proposed to Jennifer. He thought they could make it work, she was his friend after all and Harry liked her. The pair of them were under no allusions they were kindred spirits or destined lovers brought together by fate. They knew each other's history's and enjoyed each other's company, they shared an easy going-ness which they felt sure could last them a life time. That was until Jenifer had realised she was falling in love with someone else and it had consumed her in a way she'd never imagined. She hadn't cheated on him, of that Joseph was sure, but he couldn't deny his faithful friend a chance to experience love as he once had.

A sharp knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts. He hurried across the room to answer it, unsure of why she'd called him but grateful for the chance to see her once more.

'Hi' she smiled shyly as he opened the door. Her long red hair was loose, tumbling down her back as always, her skin pale and her eyes pale green just he had remembered her. There was a slight flush to her cheeks and her gait was altered due the vast roundness of her stomach.

'My god Jac' Joseph let his mouth fallen open in shock as he took in the pregnant appearance of his lover.

'Aren't you going to let me in Joseph?' she smiled shyly again and Joseph could see her confidence had also been altered. The Jac Naylor he knew would have simply pushed past him, declaring there was no need to gape at her pregnant appearance.

'Of course' Joseph tried to give her a reassuring smile as he stepped back allowing her to enter the hotel room. He took the coat she carried over her arm, closed the door behind them hanging the coat on the hook as he did so and watched as she stood unsure of what to do with herself now she was here.

'This was stupid' she muttered finally 'I never should have come here, I shouldn't have called you.'

Joseph placed a hand on her arm as she tried to walk past him back out of the door 'Don't go' he spoke softly 'I'm glad you called' she raised her eyes to meet his 'I've missed you.'

'I've missed you too' she whispered 'you have no idea how much'

Joseph gently turned her round and led her over to bed 'sit down' he commanded her 'and tell me why you wanted to see me, you owe me that at least' he kept his voice soft, not wanting to frighten her into closing off. He watched as tears built up her beautiful eyes and spilled down her perfect cheekbones. 'Don't cry' he whispered to her now as he sat next to her on the bed 'please don't cry' He lent his forehead against hers and cupped the side of her face with his hand as he whispered 'nothing could possibly be so bad so as to make Jac Naylor cry' he took courage from the soft snort of laughter that escaped her lips 'how far along are you?' he decided to start with small questions.

'33 weeks' she answered as Joseph wiped away her tears for her with his fingers.

'Not long to go now then' Joseph smiled as Jac nodded 'what about the baby's father, is he the one you told me about the last time we met?' he watched as Jac nodded her head once more. 'Is he still involved?' Joseph asked the question even though he was sure of the answer.

She shook her head as she answered 'he found someone else'

There was such hurt in her voice Joseph found himself unable to resist kissing her lips. 'The man's a fool' he informed her breathlessly as they broke apart.

Jac shook her head 'no, I'm the fool I kept pushing him away. I made myself so unlovable I practically drove him into her arms.'

'You' Joseph lightly kissed her again 'are not unlovable. I love you Jac Naylor, you couldn't push me away no matter how hard you tried. I would fight for you' he kissed her again and this time she responded, kissing him back, running her fingers through his dark hair, allowing herself to be enveloped in his embrace. 'I was a fool to leave you' Joseph gasped as their lips parted 'A few secret meetings were never enough, would never _be _enough'.

'You had to' Jac smiled kindly at him 'you did it for Harry.'

'I should have married you' Joseph smiled sadly at her, his words full of regret.

'I heard you got divorced' Jac's face turned serious and Joseph knew she was going to demand an explanation from him.

'I've learnt the hard way, you should never marry your best friend' he shrugged embarrassedly, hoping she would let the matter drop.

'Why didn't you tell me about her when we last met?' She moved away from him slightly 'why did you let me know by way of wedding invite?'

'I'm sorry' Joseph's face was full of regret 'I guess I hadn't thought seriously about Jennifer until I proposed, she is and always will be my good friend. We let a casual arrangement between us turn into to something it wasn't'. He reached out and softly stroked her silky ginger hair 'I wasn't having my cake and eating it too by still meeting you, I swear Jac. You weren't my mistress but if you remember we agreed that we wouldn't hold out for each other.'

'The wedding invite was still hurtful' Jac brushed his hand away from hair, letting him know he wasn't forgiven for not being honest with her about his casual fling with Jennifer, however non-committal their own arrangement might have been.

'I'm sorry' Joseph meant the words as he spoke them, willing his words to undo any hurt he might have caused her.

She nodded her head to show she acknowledged his efforts. Her hands flew to the roundness of her stomach as the baby kick hard in her uterus. Joseph felt his heart melt as he witnessed the small smile that played at the corners of her month as she felt her own child move beneath her palms pressed against her stomach.

'You love this baby' he spoke matter of factually having always known of what Jac was capable.

'Yes' she smiled at him, pleased he hadn't sound surprised. 'She's a good kicker though, likes to torment me at the most inconvenient of moments.'

'You're having a girl?' Joseph grinned openly, imagining what a little girl of Jac's would look like. 'I'm sure she'll be just like her mother then.'

'Yes' Jac laughed delighted at his enthusiasm at her news.

'Can I?' Joseph held out a hand towards her stomach, unsure if she would let him feel her baby's movements. She hesitated for a moment before nodding and smiling. He gently placed his hand on her bump, not feeling anything but the warmth of her body and the softness of her navy sweater. Jac wordlessly took his hand in her hers and moved it across the expanse of her abdomen 'wow! I see what you mean!' Joseph smiled as Jac gently guided his hands over her child's movements 'she is quite the little mover'. He could tell Jac was enjoying feel of his kind hands, he guessed not too many people had been privileged to feel the movements of her growing baby. His heart beat with the intensity of his love for this woman and now it was filled a little more for the connection he felt for her child, the blood and flesh of the love of his life. 'You look so beautiful when you smile' he spoke suddenly to her. He laughed softly as he witnessed the blush of this unwanted attention spread across her cheeks. She looked down concentrating on their hands entwined together, pressed against her stomach. 'Come and live with me, leave Holby' Joseph spoke urgently to her 'it can be just you, me, Harry and this little one together. No one else to interfere.'

She shook her head as she stood up, letting his hands fall away from her body 'I shouldn't have come' she spoke as the moment was shattered by his silly fantasy. 'Life cannot be made to be perfect Joseph, I thought you would have learnt that by now.'

'Why can't it?' Joseph took hold of one her hands to prevent her from leaving. 'Why couldn't we try it?'

'Because it would be complicated' Jac sighed at Joseph 'this baby has a father who still wants to see his child for a start.'

'That's not a problem he can still see his daughter, I can be civil to him' Joseph pleaded with her.

'What about poor Harry? You'd really expect him to just accept me and screaming baby entering his life in an instant?'

'He's very resilient for a four year old' Joseph smiled as he thought of his son 'besides I seem to remember he took an immediate liking to you when we were last a couple'

'He was a new born then, babies are accepting of anyone who change a nappy and feed them a bottle' Jac rolled her eyes at him.

'It was more than that. You loved him, I could tell' he watched as Jac sighed with frustration and made to pull her hand away from him. He grasped it a little tighter, to stop her leaving, as he quickly spoke 'if you tell me you don't love me I'll let you go. I promise I'll let you go back to your life in Holby and I won't contact you again but I have to hear you say it'.

She stood in silence for a while watching the confident look on his face knowing he knew she couldn't deny her feelings for him. The truth was she longed and ached for him. His touch did something to her she had never experienced with anyone else, static electricity was the closest she could come to describing it. 'You know I love you Joseph, I always will' she allowed him to pull her into his embrace and responded to his triumphant kiss. She permitted herself to fall backwards onto the bed, enjoying the kisses in spite of herself as they made themselves comfortable on the double mattress.

'Why did you ask to see me?' Joseph asked breathlessly as he lay beside her, his legs entwined with hers. He could feel the bulge if her abdomen resting against his stomach and he wanted this moment to last a life time.

'Because I needed to' she softly brushed her lips against his 'I needed to hear your voice and to be near you' she kissed him passionately, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. He helped her to remove this item of clothing, tossing it carelessly somewhere into the room. When he turned back to her it was to find she had removed her light sweater revealing a vest top she had on underneath. He kissed her neck, taking note of the small mummers of pleasure she was making from this action. He let his hands wonder down towards her bump, sliding them under the white cotton material, feeling the taught skin that contained her child. He felt Jac freeze beneath him as he made to remove the item of clothing.

'What's wrong?' He paused in his actions as he looked at her with concern in his eyes.

'Just leave the vest on, ok?' she tried to be nonchalant about it, kissing him again and running her hands down his back, tracing his spine with her fingers.

'Wait' Joseph pulled away from her slightly and removed her hands from his body, holding them in his own 'since when have you been shy about your body with me?' he laughed softly 'I've seen you naked lots of times before.'

'Not like this you haven't'. She looked away from him 'I look fat and ugly. Grotesque even.'

'Is that what he told you?' Josephs voice was full of concern. He watched as Jac shook her head. 'I'm guessing his skipping off with another woman was hardly a confidence booster.' He smiled down at Jac feeling his heart melting at her sudden vulnerability. 'Look at me' he commanded her softly. He watched as her pale green eyes met his 'you'll always be beautiful to me' he kissed her softly 'you are not fat or grotesque you are letting your body do the most beautiful thing, growing another life' he watched as a soft smile started to form on her lips, believing in his words. He pulled her arms above her head and let go of her hands, quickly seizing the moment to remove the vest top, pulling it over head before she had time to protest. 'You see Ms Naylor' Joseph smiled to her, kissing her cross frown as he ran his hands over the expanse of her stomach 'pregnancy suits you, you look exquisite'

She laughed softly, her annoyance forgotten. 'This is why I called you Joseph, I needed you to make me feel better, to make me feel loved.' She spoke the words softly before she resumed her passionate kisses, wanting to show him how much she loved him in return.

* * *

Joseph was awakened from his light sleep by the sound of muffled crying. He blinked a few times to allow his eyes to become accustomed to the gloom of dusk now the afternoon sun was setting. He rolled over slowly onto his side to see his lover turned away from him, her shoulders shaking with the force of her muffled sobs.

'Jac?' he spoke softly, unsure if she was awake or dreaming. She didn't answer him but Joseph could tell by the way she was trying to exercise self-control she was awake. 'What's wrong Jac?' he asked her as he moved as close to her as he could, wrapping his arm around her and resting his hand on top of hers were it lay protectively on top of the swell of her stomach. She still didn't answer him, she continued to cry unwanted tears. 'You haven't told me everything have you?' he spoke softly to her, kissing her shoulder. 'I'm here Jac, whenever you're ready I'm here'. He held her in silence for a few minutes, until she had composed herself enough to speak.

'The baby' she took a couple of deep breaths 'she has CDH'.

'Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia?' he watched as Jac nodded. 'oh, Jac I'm so sorry' he spoke empathically as he realised the implications this could have for Jac and her unborn child. He held her as her body shook with the force of her sobs. 'I can't believe you've been dealing with this all alone'. He felt the baby show her distaste for her mothers distress with a volley kicks under his hand. 'Hey, come on' he comforted Jac, kissing her damp cheek lightly 'you need to calm down for baby, I don't think she's too amused you've disturbed her sleep.'

Having gained control of her sobbing Jac rolled herself into her other side, with as much grace and dignity as she could muster, so she could face Joseph. 'Jonny, that's her father, his first reaction was to ask about termination' she let her tears fall freely down her cheeks, unafraid to let Joseph see her emotions.

'I have to say Jac, he sounds like a swell guy' he spoke sarcastically to her as her brushed away her tears with his hand 'you sure can pick them.'

'The worse thing is, I booked one. It never even entered my mind not to give her a chance until he spoke the words but then I found myself booking the appointment and driving to the clinic. What kind of mother does that make me?' She buried her face into his bare chest, still ashamed of what she had almost done 'I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as they say'.

'You are nothing like your mother, I don't ever want to hear you say that again' Joseph spoke sternly to her 'you love your baby, any fool can see that and you didn't go through with it' he reassured her softly now, smoothing her long hair 'you followed your heart and did what you knew to be right.' He kissed the top of her head 'I can't believe this Jonny character still wants to be part of your child's life.'

'I think it was the shock of the diagnosis' Jac sniffed as she moved her head to look at Joseph 'he seems to have come around to the idea of being a father since then.' She looked into joseph's eyes as spoke aloud the words she hadn't dared to mention to anyone else 'if she doesn't survive I'm sure if I will cope. I'm not sure I can endure the loss of this child.'

Joseph pulled down the sheet that was covering their naked bodies, folding it back so both their torsos were uncovered. He placed his hands on her vast bump, feeling the baby as she moved around in her mother's womb. Jac watched the way Joseph looked at her bare body with such tenderness, remembering the gentle way he had made love to her barely an hour ago, each touch and caress filled with affection, warmth and desire.

'She has a fifty per cent chance of making it Jac' he lent forward and gently kissed her stomach were her miraculous growing child lay 'and let's face it if she has your determination and survival instinct I'd say the odds are in her favour'

'But what if…?' Jac let her voice trail off.

'Then you'll still have me, I'm not leaving you this time Jac' he laid himself back down next to her 'I'm going to support you, and care for you whatever happens' he smiled at her as he stroked her cheek. 'I want us to be a family; you, me, Harry and, god willing, baby girl Naylor.'

'You'd really want to help raise another man's child?' Jac asked him seriously.

'She's your child Jac, she's part of you and I will love her for that reason. Besides I seem to remember you were more than willing to help raise Harry, I can't see how this is any different' Joseph could tell Jac was starting to seriously consider the idea 'we could make it work Jac, I know we could.'

'It wouldn't be all plain sailing' Jac warned him

'I know, there's a lot we have to work out.

'We'd need to take it slowly, for our children's sakes as well as our own.'

'Is that a yes?' Joseph smiled at her.

'I want to be with you Joseph, I love you' Jac smiled back at him as he leaned forward to seal the deal with a kiss.

'I think it would be more sensible for me to move back here.' Joseph spoke, excited about the prospect of spending the rest of his life with this woman. 'You have a lot of friends around here to support you.'

'Baby steps, Joseph' she reminded him as she lightly kissed him again 'you need to consider Harry as well.'

'Sorry' Joseph grinned 'I just can't believe we're really going to finally be together'

'Yep, this is it' Jac lightly touched his cheek 'no more messing around, just us two against the rest of the world.'

Joseph lightly kissed her again before asking 'so what do we do first?'

'We just stay here, for now' Jac laughed as she snuggled herself against him.

'Like this?' Joseph grinned as he put his arm around her and moved his body as close to her as could, letting the swell of her pregnant stomach rest against his abdomen.

Jac closed her eyes contentedly as she lay in the arms of the man she loved and who loved her return. 'Just like this' she agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

**I had intended this to be a one shot piece however I had so many positive reviews I began formulating a plot and so the story continues! If I'm honest I'm not a hundred percent happy with this chapter but the chapter I'm currently writing is shaping up nicely so I'm persevering with it. Please review to let me know your thoughts :-) **

Jac shifted around uncomfortably in her office chair whilst she waited for Joseph to collect her to drive her home. He was in a meeting with the new CEO Guy Self, talking over the possibility of Joseph returning back to work at the hospital. Despite her initial insistence they take things slowly both Joseph and Harry had won her over and now she found herself sharing her flat with the two Byrne gentlemen making their arrangements to live in Bristol with her. She stood up and stretched out her back, an action which didn't go unnoticed by fellow consultant Elliot Hope.

'Is your back aching?' he spoke sympathetically, watching as Jac nodded her head. 'Only a couple of weeks to go now though' he tried to smile confidently at Jac knowing she was dreading the date set by her gynaecologist to deliver her baby girl. Jac gave him a nervous smile in return as she slowly paced the office, trying to ease some of her aches and pains.

'Would it be so unreasonable for her to just stay in here for ever?' She smiled wryly at her old friend and mentor as she stroked the vast bump of her stomach.

'I'm doubtful you'll last out a couple more weeks let alone a life time in your current condition' Elliot chuckled 'you just have to trust Mr T and the paediatric team Jac, they want to give her the best chance just as much as you do.'

Their conversation was interrupted by a sharp knock at the office door. Jac opened it to find Joseph outside.

'How'd it go?' she asked him warmly as she stepped back into the room, allowing him to enter it.

'He said he could let me start back as a registrar, mainly to help ease the load whilst you're on maternity leave and then to see how it goes'. He watched as Jac rubbed the base of her spine with her hand. Over the past week her back ache was becoming increasingly intolerable for her. 'Talking of which, don't you think you should consider starting your maternity leave?' he spoke concernedly for his partner 'you've only a couple of weeks to go'

'Joseph, we've discussed this already' she sighed exasperatedly at him, having told him numerous times keeping busy was stopping her from having a complete mental breakdown. 'It's good news you can start back here though, even if it is just as an registrar' she touched his arm lightly with her hand, offering him a small smile of gratitude for his willingness to uproot his life to be with her.

'Probably best to ease yourself back in Joseph' Elliot smiled kindly at the couple 'I have to say I for one will be pleased to see you back'. Their old friend had been surprised but delighted the couple were going to give their relationship another go, in spite of all the challenges and difficulties they were likely to face on the way.

There was another knock at the door before Nurse Jonny Maconie stepped into the room. 'Oh sorry' he stuttered as he realised Elliot Hope wasn't alone 'I didn't realise you were in a meeting' he spoke before he'd fully took in his pregnant ex-girlfriends hand affectionately placed on the arm of the man he didn't recognise.

Feeling Jac stiffen slightly beside him Joseph guessed this man must be the father of her unborn child. Deciding a civil introduction might help to the ease the tension in the room Joseph smiled as he held his hand out to this man and spoke 'you must be Jonny, I'm Joseph Byrne. It's good to finally meet you.'

Jonny looked at this man with clear disgust on his face. 'I'll come back later Prof, it wasn't urgent' he spoke as he turned and left the room rudely leaving Josephs hand un-shook.

'Well that went well' Joseph struggled to hide an amused grin as the door shut with force behind the nurse. Jac tuted as she glared at him for finding humour in this awkward situation.

'Hmm, I think I might have to have a man to man chat with Nurse Maconie, after all you all have to work together' Elliot spoke 'whatever he thinks in private is his business but he will have to be civil on the ward.'

'Yes because that worked so well last week' Jac rolled her eyes as she remembered telling Jonny about Joseph in the most diplomatic way she could muster only to have him yell, so the whole ward could benefit from his words, 'Are you sleeping with him?' As her blush had given him the answer he hadn't wanted he followed this up with a blustering 'you pregnant whore' and 'what kind of man would want sex with a woman heavily pregnant with another man's child?' Upon hearing these words a horrified Mo had stepped in sternly commanding her friend and employee to keep his voice down and reminding him just how many women he had slept with since impregnating Jac, so who was he to judge. At this point a tearful Jac was on route to hide in her office, passing an upset and confused Bonnie on the way. Jac had become increasingly sorry for this poor woman Jonny was currently choosing to sow his wild oats with. She hadn't spoken with the father of her unborn daughter since then, his words having stung her more than they ordinarily would have done.

'What happened last week?' Joseph asked, his voice full of concern that Jac might be having a hard time of it in her place of sanctuary.

'It doesn't matter' Jac smiled unconvincingly at him 'come on we'd better go and fetch a certain young man from his first day at pre-school. See if he's still on board with the whole moving to a city thing.' She took hold of his hand and led him out of the room, calling a goodbye to Elliot over her shoulder as she went. Even though he knew she was probably lying Joseph let the matter drop, knowing she would tell him in her own good time.

* * *

Joseph Byrne smiled as he walked into Jac's bedroom to find her sat naked on the end of the bed rubbing coco butter into her vast bump. She had gone back to her usual confidence with her body around him now, perfectly willing for him to see her nakedness. The couple had just shared a bath together, marvelling each time the baby pushed a tiny foot or fist to stretch the taught skin of her mothers abdomen .

'So beautiful' he murmured as he placed a kiss on her cheek, causing her to blush slightly.

'Is Harry still asleep?' she asked him as she put the lid back on the jar of moisturiser. Joseph had been correct when he'd said Harry would take to Jac instantly just like he had when he was infant and Jac had found herself easily falling back in love with the little boy. Harry was so much like his father not only with his dark haired and blue eyed good looks but at the mere age of four Harry was the perfect little gentleman. Jac had put the little boy to bed in her spare room an hour ago, delighting in the way Harry snuggled against her telling her all about his day and informing her he could quite get used to city life living here with her. She had read him a story, watching as his eyes grew heavy, and eventually the child was lulled into a deep slumber.

'Oh yes' Joseph smiled as he kissed her forehead 'it would seem you have a hidden talent in sending children to sleep' he tucked a strand of her red hair that had fallen lose from her hair tie behind her ear as he spoke 'we still need discuss house hunting for a bigger property.'

'A discussion that will surely lead to a terrific row' Jac sighed dramatically knowing Joseph's taste would be a classic home and garden complete with white picket fence whereas her own were completely modern. She caught the edge of the towel wrapped around Joseph's waist as he made to move away from her to get ready for bed.

'Jac!' Joseph laughed as the towel fell away from him.

She caught hold of his hand and pulled him towards her, wrapping her arms around him when he was near enough and kissing him passionately. She let herself fall slowly backwards onto the bed pulling him with her as she did so, trusting him not to let himself fall directly on top of her and her unborn child. 'Isn't this more fun than discussing property prices?' she breathed heavily as their lips parted, letting her hands caress his body as she spoke.

'Indeed' Joseph smiled kissing her now with soft short kisses. 'Are you sure you want to?' he asked her seriously 'I thought you'd be too tired…' he trailed kisses down her neck.

'I'm sure' she murmured in pleasure 'don't stop'. She smiled to herself at Josephs caring and considerate nature, a rarity she'd found to exist in her experience of men. 'Besides we should make the most of this whilst we can' she whispered to him 'I don't think this sort of activity will be on the cards for a while once the baby has been delivered'.

He stopped kissing her, suddenly becoming serious as he cupped her face with both his hands 'Jac you know I'm not worried about this aspect of our relationship don't you? I'll willingly wait for you to be ready, however long it takes'.

'I know' she smiled reassuringly at him 'it's one of the reasons I first fell in love with you, you always were and always will be the perfect gentleman.'

He smiled as he lent forward and kissed her lips softly 'as great as _this_ is, and I hope you agree it's pretty amazing, sex isn't the be all and end all to our relationship' he kissed her again before adding 'I love you so much'

'I know' Jac reached up and softly stroked his cheek with her finger tips. 'The reason it's always been so amazing between us, Joseph, is because it was never just about sex, it's always been about love.' They looked at each other seriously for a moment, both of them surprised by the accuracy of her words. 'Kiss me' she smiled at him seductively breaking the silence and then responding passionately as he obeyed her command. She loved Joseph Byrne with all her heart and she knew how unbelievably lucky she was this good man was willing to share his life with her however difficult it might be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for all the amazingly supportive reviews! I've managed to finish another chapter but I'm not sure when I'll next update because I'm considering options as to what should happen next. Please keep reviewing because it's so encouraging reading your thoughts and opinions :-) **

Jac smiled at Joseph every time he brushed against her as they prepared breakfast and lunches together in her small kitchen. He returned her smiles willingly as he thought how beautiful she looked with the natural smile on her lips rather than the usual serious frown he remembered she wore at work.

'So Mr Byrne, are you looking forward to your first day back to work as cardiothoracic register?' she asked him as she spontaneously wrapped her arms around his waist as he washed up their breakfast dishes.

'A little nervous, but looking forward to it' he smiled as he turned around to face her, drying his hands on the tea towel.

'I guessed you were a little nervous from the way my cutlery draw has suddenly become so organised' Jac raised an eyebrow at him and he knew if he wasn't careful he was about to be questioned about his OCD.

'It's a little tic that's all' he kissed her forehead 'there's been a lot of changes, I think I'm allowed one tiny little OCD tic'.

'Hmm ok' Jac gave him a serious considering look 'I don't know what you've got to be so nervous about anyway, you were an even better surgeon than me.'

'Yes well I've heard there's consultant on Darwin who can be a real cow' Joseph whispered to her joshingly. His jokers grin suddenly turned into an expression of concern as Jac winced and pressed her hands into her back.

'Yeah well I wouldn't worry' she spoke as the spasm of pain passed as quickly as it came 'I've heard she'll be on maternity leave in a couple of weeks.'

'I still think she should be on maternity leave now' Joseph spoke seriously to her as he placed his hands under her arms to help support her.

'It's just a bit of backache Joseph' Jac rolled her eyes at him as she brushed away his well-meaning hands. He watched her as she slowly walked with her waddling gait from the kitchen to the living room to see if Harry had finished his toast. He couldn't help his concern over her wellbeing. He knew Jac and her head-in-the-sand technique of dealing with her problems well. If she didn't think about it or acknowledge it then the bad stuff just simply wasn't happening. Couple that with her unusually high pain threshold and Joseph knew fate was just asking for trouble.

'Have you not finished your toast yet Harry?' Jac gently reminded the little boy he was meant to be eating his breakfast rather than watching the TV as she sat down next to him on the sofa, musing to herself that only a child of Joseph Byrne would opt to watch the breakfast news rather than a colourful noisy cartoon. Harry observed Jac as she absentmindedly ran her hand over the rounded swell of her stomach which his dad had informed him contained a growing baby.

'I've been thinking' Harry spoke thoughtfully 'where did I come from if I don't have a mummy? Daddy said all babies are grown in their mummy's tummy's but I don't have a mummy.'

Jac thought for a moment before deciding to tackle this topic with Harry herself, knowing Joseph he would try to sugar coat the truth and end up confusing the child further. 'Of course you have a mother Harry, she's just not here that's all.'

'So where is she then?' Harry asked, he liked the way Jac always tried to answer his questions. Even though he had only known her a few weeks he felt able to ask her anything knowing he would get the truth from her.

'I'm afraid we don't know' Jac smiled sadly at the little boy 'she was in France but then she moved and didn't tell Daddy were she'd gone.

'She won't come and get me one day will she?' Harry asked his little face suddenly full of concern 'I wouldn't want to leave Daddy and I like it here with you'

'No one will make you do anything you don't want to Harry' Jac tried to reassure the child.

'Do you promise?' Harry lent against her, needing the reassurance of her warmth.

'I absolutely promise' Jac spoke truthfully as she put her arm around the little boy. Harry placed his small hand on her bump and he smiled as he felt the baby kick against it.

'How'd you know they baby is a girl?' he asked.

'Well they have a special machine in the hospital which they use to see a picture of the inside of my tummy so they could see the baby is going to a girl' Jac spoke with a smile as she gently smoothed Harrys hair.

'What are you going to call her?' Harry asked her next.

'I don't know, I haven't decided yet' Jac watched as Harrys face became serious once more and she guessed he had something else playing on his mind. She sat in silence with him, allowing him to ask her when he was ready.

'Jac?' he spoke eventually

'Yes Harry'

'When I first met you I thought that you were my Mummy. Daddy has pictures of you and he used to look at them all the time so I thought the lady in the picture was my mummy but it was just you' he sounded a bit disappointed.

'I…' Jac let her voice trial off unsure of what to say at this point.

'I would have liked it if you'd been my mummy' Harry suddenly sat up and planted a kiss on Jac's cheek 'you're pretty cool ' he spoke as he hoped down from the sofa and walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

'Jac, I'm sorry about that' Joseph spoke quietly behind her. As she turned her head in his direction he could see tears were rolling down her cheeks. He fished his clean cotton handkerchief out his pocket and handed it to her.

'Dam hormones' she muttered as she took it from him and dabbed at her eyes.

'Harry is a curious boy, he asked me if you were his mother the first day he met you' Joseph spoke as he sat down next to her.

'He's a beautiful little boy, Joseph' Jac smiled at him 'if he's got questions about his mother you should tell him about her.'

'I know' Joseph nodded 'I just can't, at least not yet anyway. He's so young.'

'You'll have to do it one day' Jac reached out and took his hand in hers 'I could help you, if you'd like.' Jac watched as Joseph nodded. 'What pictures was Harry talking about just then?' she was burning with curiosity to know. Joseph grinned as he got to his feet and pick up his wallet from the bookcase.

'This one' he blushed embarrassedly as he showed it to her. Joseph was dressed in a tuxedo and Jac was dressed in dark blue dress, her long red hair flowing like a mane down her back.

'Wow, don't we look young' she smiled at the memory of how she'd ended up being Josephs date for the annual Byrne dinner, although they had been just pretending to be a couple for the benefit of impressing Joseph's father at the time.

'I was so proud to have you on my arm that evening' Joseph smiled back at her. 'I'll never forget the look on my mother's face when she saw how beautiful you were' he laughed 'I think she thought you were a figment of my imagination, although I suppose seeing as we were only playacting at that dinner she was closer to the truth than I was'.

'Well perhaps you should have asked me out sooner on a normal date' Jac smiled mischievously 'maybe then I would have realised you actually wanted me rather than just using me as an accessory to impress your parents.'

'A normal date?' Joseph laughed as he put the picture back in his wallet for safe keeping 'since when have either of us ever been described as normal?'

'Harry said there were _pictures' _Jac raised her eyebrow at Joseph as she watched him close the wallet.

He hesitated for a second weighing up the choice of her reaction he showed her second picture he'd kept of her or the argument they were likely to have if he refused. He swallowed nervously before asking 'you promise me you won't be cross?'

'Bloody hell Joseph, were you taking secret pictures of me naked or something?' Jac laughed at his overly concerned face.

'Not naked ones no' Joseph couldn't help the corners of his mouth twitching at Jac's amusement, hoping this would be good sign 'but I don't think you were aware this picture was taken' he pulled the photograph out his wallet and handed it to her.

She didn't say anything as she looked at the photograph of herself and baby Harry. She was dressed in one of Josephs blue shirts, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and her legs bare as she stood with the baby cradled against her shoulder. Her face was free of any make-up and her long red hair was un-brushed and lightly tousled from sleep . There was a look about her, not one you often saw with Jac, but it could almost be described as content. She remembered that morning well. It was the morning after Harry's mother had left, she had spent the night with Joseph helping him through his first few hours of single fatherhood. Upon hearing the child stir she had gone into the nursery to comfort him before his soft wails awoke his sleeping father. She remembered the weight of the child in her arms, the feel of his warmth and the softness of his skin and hair. She remembered the strange sensation of love she had felt for him as she held him that morning, the fact of him being Josephs son was enough for her.

'Why did you take this photograph?' she eventually spoke.

'Because you looked unbelievably beautiful in that moment'

'Why did you keep it?'

'Because I wanted to remember you like this' he placed a hand on her arm, trying to release her focus from the photograph 'and because I regretted leaving you'

'Its no wonder Harry thought I was his mother' she handed the picture back to Joseph, her face and voice showing no emotion what so ever. A well-practiced art for when she really felt upset.

'I guess there's a part of me that wished I'd stayed so you could have been, you're a natural mother' Joseph spoke quietly as he slipped the photograph into its usual place, concealed in his wallet. 'My mother found the first copy I had of that picture and burnt it. We had a terrible argument and I haven't spoken to her since then.' He felt Jac slip her hand into his, he turned his head to look at her and saw tears were running down her face. 'I guess possibly I should have stood up for you, for us even, a bit before that really.'

'Yes' Jac spoke thickly through her tears 'you should have stopped caring about what your mother thought many years ago. But then none of us are perfect Joseph.'

* * *

Jonny crossed his arms across his chest and lent against the nurses satiation as he watched his pregnant ex-girlfriend and Mr Byrne deep in discussion. He narrowed his eyes as he noticed the way the registar had one of his hands on Jac's arm and his other was lightly pressed against to expanse of her stomach. It hurt Jonny that Jac willingly let this man feel the movements of his unborn child, he was the father and it had been at least two months since she last let him do the same. It irked him the way Jac was instantly at ease in Josephs presence, she visibly relaxed at his touch, something she had never been with Jonny.

'What has he got that I haven't?' Jonny grumbled to Mo as she sat typing on the computer.

'I don't know Jonny' Mo sighed exasperatedly, privately thinking Jac was one lucky girl to have rekindled her legendary relationship with the highly desirable Mr Byrne. 'Maybe it's because he doesn't go around calling her a pregnant whore.' To say Mo felt ashamed of her best friends recent behaviour was an understatement.

'She's carrying _my_ child, I have a right to be concerned about who she is cavorting with' Jonny huffed 'and I still think it's bizarre a bloke like him would willingly enter into a relationship with a woman heavily pregnant with another man's child.'

Mo spun around in the chair and gently placed a hand on Jonny's crossed arms. 'You have to let this go Jonny Mac, they're completely in love together. They are like star crossed lovers brought together by fate or whatever. You and she were never intended to be together.' They watched as Jac and Joseph walked hand in hand down the corridor 'Jac has no intention of cutting you out of your daughters life, if you'd been listening last week when she was trying to have an adult conversation with you would have heard her say that in about four or five different formats.'

'What the hell is he taking her in there for?' Jonny spoke in horrified anger as they watched the couple enter the on-call room, shutting the door firmly behind them.

Mo sighed exasperatedly again as she spun the chair back around to continue with her work 'well of course at thirty six weeks pregnant she's going to drag her lover into the on call room on a busy ward for unbridled passion on a rickety and uncomfortable bed' she muttered sarcastically under her breath.

'I can hear you' Jonny snapped

'Good' Mo snapped back whipping her chair around to face him once more. 'You know what Jonny you have behaved appallingly towards Jac, its no wonder she went looking for Joseph who loves her and treats her like she is the most precious item he processes. You could learn a thing or two from him. And don't even get me started on poor Bonnie…'

'What about Bonnie?' Jonny interrupted his friend furiously

'You are just using her for your own pleasure when you know she has fallen head over heal for you' Mo hissed.

'Why do you care, you don't even like Bonnie' Jonny shook his head, not wanting to hear the truth from his friend.

'I find her annoying, I won't deny it, but she doesn't deserve this Jonny' Mo glared at her friend 'do the decent thing and stop messing with her head, leave her alone and grow up' Mo stood up abruptly from the chair and angrily stalked off in the direction of the staff room. Jonny slumped himself down in Mo's vacated chair so he could keep his eye on the on-call room door in more comfort.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Jonny sat up straight as the door to the on call room suddenly opened and Joseph Byrne slipped out, carefully closing the door behind him. Jonny stood and strode sternly up to Joseph with every intention if speaking his mind to this man.

'Bit of afternoon delight in the on-call room hm?' Jonny couldn't help the childishness his angry words were taking, he was beyond caring how he sounded.

'I'm sorry?' Joseph frowned confused by the mans immaturity.

'You, Jac, my unborn child. Its all getting very cosy for you isn't it?' Jonny hissed as he crossed his arms.

Joseph stood staring at Jonny in disbelief; just what Jac had seen in this man Joseph had no idea although he was deducing he wasn't exactly seeing him at the best moment in his life. 'It might have escaped your notice but Jac has been suffering pretty badly from backache, as well as all the other side effects of pregnancy. Not only that but she is exhausted, I've just been encouraging her to take a nap that is all.'

'Yes well she has had an eventful few weeks _shacking up_ with you and your son' Jonny's distaste at the situation was clearly displayed on his face.

'You had your chance with her Jonny and you messed it up, I owe you no explanation' Joseph kept his angry voice low 'but know this; I love Jac, I always have and always will. Because of that I love her unborn child as well, however I know I am not her father and that role will always be rightfully yours. Whether or not you choose to grow up and act like the father your baby girl needs and deserves is the choice you have to make.'

Jonny glared furiously at Joseph. Deep down he knew this man was telling him the truth but his heart was so full of hurt, anger and helplessness at his unborn child's condition his head was unable to see things rationally. He glowered at the man stood before him as he tried to think of a reply to his statement when a sudden shriek of 'Joseph!' from the on call room brought both men to their senses.

Joseph rushed back through the door of the room to find Jac sat upright on the bed, cradling her bump in her hands and a look of terror on her face.

'My water just broke' she spoke quickly to him as she saw him enter the room 'those back pains must have been contractions, how could I be so stupid?' a tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke.

'Its ok Jac, everything will be alright' Joseph spoke calmly, despite the sheer panic he was feeling in his chest.

'I'm only thirty six weeks' Jac spoke panicked as Joseph helped her up of the wet bed 'I needed to give her the best chance…' she stopped speaking as a contraction took over body.

'Just breathe Jac, breathe through it' Joseph spoke softly to her as he supported her weight as she clung to him. 'Jonny get a wheelchair, we need to get her to maternity' Joseph looked across the room to were Jonny was stood at a loss in the doorway as he spoke.

Jonny nodded his head and walked quickly to find a wheelchair. His heart sunk sadly as he realised Mo was right, things between himself and Jac would never have been like they were between Jac and Joseph. He might not understand why but Jac trusted Joseph, would be vulnerable with him and allowed him to support her in a way she never would have let Jonny. He found a wheelchair and quickened his pace as the reality of the situation dawned on him; his child was going to be born today. He only hoped it wasn't too late to redeem himself with her mother, suddenly all the well-meaning advice he'd received made sense, it would be better for them all if he and Jac could at least be friends.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone who has left reviews; you have made me a very happy writer! Hope you enjoy this chapter as much. Please don't shy; please take the time to let me know your thoughts. As you can probably tell I very much appreciate every review I receive :-) **

Jonny paced up and down the corridor outside Jac's delivery room. They had barely been on the maternity ward an hour and things had progressed quickly. Jonny could hear an occasional groan from Jac as she laboured to bring their child into the world. He had expected to hear screaming and cursing when he had heard Jac was opting for a completely natural birth, not knowing how stoic and strong Jac could be. Jonny looked up as he heard an exceptionally load groan come from inside the room. Jonny longed to be in there, to fully know what was happening with his child. However he couldn't blame Jac for insisting she didn't want him at the birth. He burned with shame as he thought about his behaviour over the past couple of months, firstly trying to relieve his anguish by reliving his youth drinking and flirting with other women and then he had started blaming Jac for the torment he was feeling, refusing to talk with her and then being spiteful when he did. His final low had been using Bonnie to comfort himself, something he never should have started. Mo was right, Jonny thought to himself as he resumed pacing, he would have to end things Bonnie, apologise to her and set the record straight. He stopped his pacing abruptly as the door opened and the midwife stepped out.

'All is going well, the head has been delivered' she smiled confidently at the father of the child she helping to deliver 'Jac has said you can come into the room for the delivery of your child'

'Really?' Jonny's heart leapt at the thought 'how'd you get her change her mind?'

'I didn't, it was Mr Byrne you have to thank' the midwife had heard about the Darwin love triangle, a tale in which Jonny did not come off well, on the hospital gossip grape vine. She had to admit she much preferred Jac's choice of Joseph Byrne. 'Come on, quickly or it'll be over' she spoke as she opened the door for him.

Jonny followed her into the room as quickly as he could. There was quite a team of people in the room, most of whom were waiting for the delivery of the child they were to attend to. Jac lay propped up on the bed, being supported by Joseph, her eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply. Her skin was clammy and pale, her hair damp and she looked completely exhausted. A sheet had been placed over her splayed legs preventing Jonny from seeing anything she clearly didn't want him to see. Mr T sat in front of Jac his hand under the sheet, presumably supporting the head of the baby. Jonny watched as Jac's body started to tense as a contraction came over her. She gripped Josephs hand tightly and let out a long groan as Mr T commanded her to 'push, keep pushing, that's a girl Jac, she's almost here'.

Suddenly there was a flurry of activity as Jac slumped back against Joseph as Mr T clamped and cut the cord, handing the baby to the paediatrician.

'She didn't cry' Jonny spoke urgently to the midwife 'why didn't she cry?'

'Don't worry its normal' the midwife placed a reassuring hand on Jonny's arm 'a lot of babies don't cry on delivery.' Jonny watched, horrified as the paediatric team sedated and intubated his tiny new born daughter. He had spent so many hours discussing and reading about what would happen during and after the birth with his baby but nothing could have prepared him for the reality of it.

'It's probability better that she didn't cry Jonny' Jac's exhausted voice spoke from the bed 'if her lungs are underdeveloped its best she doesn't use them' Joseph nodded to show Jonny he also believed in this. 'What does she look like?' Jac struggled to sit herself up.

'Hang on, Jac, I'm not finished with you yet' Mr T spoke sternly to her as he awaited the delivery of the placenta.

Jonny tried to take a look at his child from his position in the room, not wanting to get the way of the medical team attending to her.

'I'll take a picture for you hun,' the midwife spoke kindly to Jac 'just as soon as they have baby stabilised'

'Thank god she's alive' Jonny heard Jac breathe to Joseph. He turned his attention to them, watching as Joseph cradled her and wiped away her tears.

'Right they are transferring baby up to NICU' the midwife spoke as she shook the developing polaroid photograph she'd just taken.

'Jonny, stay with her' Jac spoke urgently as they wheeled the incubator out of the room.

He nodded his head at her, taking one last look at her visible helplessness before walking quickly after the team caring for his daughter.

* * *

Jonny walked slowly towards the private room Joseph had secured for Jac on holby care, keeping her away from the delighted mothers and their perfect babies on maternity. He felt strange exhausting mixture of emotions having spent the last three hours keeping vigil during and after the birth of his daughter. Jonny never ceased to be amazed how quickly life could change and now he was struck by the frailty of it. Sacha Levy, being empathic if a little frosty given Jonny's recent behaviour towards his best friend, had persuaded him to leave for a breath of air to help clear his head, promising him he wouldn't leave the baby's side until he returned. He hesitated outside the door and jumped back with surprise as the door suddenly opened to reveal an exhausted looking Joseph Byrne typing into his phone. The registrar whispered 'Jac's sleeping' as he motioned for Jonny to talk to him a little further down the corridor so as not to wake her.

'How's Jac doing?' Jonny asked, feeling slightly awkward and embarrassed about his pervious behaviour with this man.

'Physically she's exhausted but good' Joseph looked relived as he spoke these words 'I'm hoping they'll let her see the baby soon because emotionally she's a little bit fragile'

'I took some more photographs of the baby' Jonny spoke 'I was going to show her'

'Oh' Joseph looked a little bit surprised at Jonny's sudden thoughtfulness towards Jac 'she'd love to see them, she can't take her eyes off the polaroid the midwife gave her. They keep giving us little updates so we know baby is doing well, better than expected'

'If she keeps going the way she is at the moment they think they can operate sooner rather than later' Jonny gave a small smile as he spoke 'she's doing so well, a little fighter like her mum.'

'That's good' Joseph returned Jonny's smile.

'Look Joseph' Jonny fidgeted awkwardly as he spoke 'I'm sorry about before I was being an absolute prat and you are right I need to grow up, for my daughter. So I guess I'm apologising and hoping you'll let me make a better impression on you'

'Well given the circumstances I can understand your behaviour' Joseph held out his hand towards Jonny 'I think it's important we try to get along'

'Absolutely' Jonny agreed as he shook Josephs hand 'and I wanted to say thank you for persuading Jac to let me in the delivery room. It meant a lot.'

Joseph shrugged as though it was no big deal as he spoke 'I had to miss the delivery of my son because my ex-wife was being plain awkward. I didn't want you to miss out on the same thing.'

'I would have deserved it' Jonny shook his head with the shame of his recent behaviour 'I've let Jac down big time. I should have been her supporter and her friend and instead I let myself become self-consumed in my own worry and pity'.

'Start with an apology. She'll be frosty with you for a while but eventually she'll come around' Joseph smiled reassuringly 'the pair of you and your daughter have still got so much to face, your friendship and support can be here now and believe me she'll want it'.

'You know her well huh?' Jonny laughed softly

'Almost better than I know myself' Joseph gave a soft laugh before he added seriously 'I only have good intentions towards Jac, you know that don't you Jonny?'

'I can tell you're a good man Joseph Byrne but I'm trusting you with the happiness of both Jac and my daughter' Jonny smiled weakly 'its going to take me a little time to get used to it'

'I promise I won't let you down' Joseph clapped Jonny on the shoulder, glad they had been able to clear the air 'hopefully as we get to know each other you'll see I keep my promises.' Jonny nodded his head. 'Right well I best get on with child care arrangements for Harry' Joseph smiled as he indicated to his phone. 'Congratulations Jonny' Joseph shook his hand again 'and welcome to fatherhood'

* * *

Jonny sat alone in the hospital canteen surrounded by patients and relatives he didn't know. He had been pressured to take another break away from his daughter's bedside by his concerned friend Mo after he had confessed to her how much his head was spinning with the reality of the situation. Mo had stayed in the NICU urging him to grab a shower, get changed and to eat something along with her promises she wouldn't leave the baby on her own and would call him if there was any slight change. He wrapped his hands around the coffee cup on the table in front of him, feeling the heat of the hot liquid radiating through the mug, allowing it to give him the comfort of some sense of normality.

'Are you ok Jonny?' Professor Hope asked him kindly as he passed his table on the way to purchase himself a snack to see himself through the late afternoon into the evening.

'How is it possible to be surrounded by so many people and yet still feel so bloody alone?' Jonny asked his friend.

'It doesn't have to be that way' Elliot smiled at the young man emphatically.

Jonny nodded before speaking again 'I've pushed so many people away.'

'Nothing is ever so terrible that it can't be undone' Elliot spoke wisely taking a seat opposite Jonny 'I believe you and Mo are back on speaking terms again. That's a start.'

Jonny shook his head. 'Mo is always so willing to forgive and forget, lord knows why.' He fiddled with his coffee cup for a moment before asking 'Why aren't you angry with me?' Jonny looked Elliot in the eye 'even Sacha has been a little off with me but you haven't said one cross word to me the entire time I've been acting like a…like a…' Jonny searched around for the correct terminology to describe his recent behaviour.

'A scoundrel, an imbecile, a complete and utter fool?' Elliot listed his suggestions helpfully.

'And the rest' Jonny nodded guilty.

'Jac is precious to me, I will not deny that' Elliot spoke softly 'and whilst I might not like your treatment of her over the last few months the fact is you are both adults and you needed to sort it out without the whole world taking sides' Elliot smiled kindly at Jonny 'besides I like you Jonny, you are not altogether a bad person. I figured once you had gotten over the shock of the CDH diagnosis you'd come to your senses and listen to the advice myself and Mo keep giving you to offer Jac your support and friendship for the sake of the baby.'

Jonny nodded his head 'I know, I know that now but I'm not sure if Jac will want it'

'Jac is fond of you Jonny' Elliot gave Jonny a knowing look 'she valued your company and attentions. Its your quick temper and her vulnerability that makes you incompatible to be together as a couple.' Elliot suddenly stopped talking aware that he'd said too much.

'Vulnerable?' Jonny looked confused 'in what way is Jac vulnerable?'

'I can't discuss with you anything Jac hasn't already told you herself, but Jac is a good actress Jonny and she puts up a good facade of being strong, confident and capable of taking on the world.'

'I wanted her tell me things, to open up to me but she never would' Jonny looked down sadly at his cooling coffee 'I guess she just couldn't trust me enough'

'I hope you don't mind me telling you this Jonny' Elliot continued to speak softly 'but when you're angry it is fiery and sudden and you can say regretful things. It would frighten her and that isn't what Jac needs.'

'I can change, I can work on that' Jonny began to protest.

'That's a good idea Jonny, for the baby's sake but you have to let the idea of you and Jac ever being a couple go.' Elliot watched Jonny as he tried to fight down his tears. 'Joseph is a good man.'

'I guess he was always going to be the love of her life' Jonny tried to smile as he discreetly wiped away a couple on uncontainable tears.

Elliot nodded his agreement 'They are destined to be together, each has an understanding of the other in ways us mere mortals could never hope to understand'. He smiled as he watched his comment cause Jonny to laugh a little. 'You can just be good friends with Jac, I'm sure of that Jonny. And given a little time, once the jealously has settled, I'm sure you and Joseph will find you have a lot to build a friendship on also.'

'I've already started building bridges there' Jonny nodded his agreement 'I apologised to Joseph for my behaviour towards him. He said he understood'

'Good' Elliot smiled at his young friends development 'see you're not a bad person Jonny, you have a lot of kindness to give.'

'I did it for the baby' Jonny looked embarrassed at Elliot's praise 'I thought I've got to make things easier for her. Now all I need to do is make things right with her mother, shouldn't be too difficult surely?'

Elliot laughed at Jonny's sarcasm 'she'll forgive you, she'll just need a little time that's all. Just make sure you keep that temper in check.'

'I will, at least I'll try too' Jonny smiled gratefully at Elliot 'you're a good friend, you know that don't you Prof?'

* * *

Jonny felt himself being suddenly hugged as he waited for the lift to take him back up to NICU.

'What are you doing down here?' Bonnie Wallace spoke happily as she planted a kiss on his cheek before Jonny had a chance to squirm away from her. He looked at his watch as he realised the night shift would be starting soon. Time seemed to have been running at a strange pace this afternoon, running slow so this morning had felt like lift time ago but rushing past swiftly at the same time so you felt as though you had no control over it.

'Bonnie, we need to talk' Jonny spoke seriously to Bonnie as he took hold her arm and gently led her off the side were they could talk without being over heard. 'Jac delivered the baby today'.

'Is the baby ok?' Bonnie had such concern in her eyes it doubled the feeling of guilt Jonny felt for what he was about to do.

'Yeah she's a little fighter, doing really well' Jonny smiled sadly at the woman in front of him 'listen Bonnie, I need to end this relationship with you'

Bonnie stepped back as though she'd been slapped 'is that what Jac wants you to do?'

Jonny shook his head 'it's got nothing to do with Jac' he decided the best option was to be blunt, to the point. 'The thing is Bonnie, I'm just not in love with you and that's not fair on you.'

'But…But' Bonnie's lower lip trembled as she fought to keep in her tears 'what about 'if you're in, I'm in' and all that other stuff you said to me?'

'I'm sorry Bonnie, I never meant to hurt you but the thing is if we carry on it'll only be worse' he put his hand lightly on her arm as an offer of comfort 'I need to focus on my daughter and you need to find someone who loves you and will treat you properly, give you everything you deserve'

'Well clearly I deserve more than you Jonny Maconie' Bonnie spat out bitterly, pulling her arm away from him as she spoke 'you are nothing more than a…than a…' Bonnie breathed heavily before finding the right word, shouting it at him to make sure he heard her'.., a _cad_. I hope you and that cold hearted, stroppy ginger bitch will be very happy together along with your bastard child'

'DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AND JAC LIKE THAT!' Jonny suddenly roared his temper getting the better of him. He stepped back as a forceful slap across his cheek caught him of guard. He looked at Bonnie in shock as he raised his hand to his stinging cheek.

Bonnie breathed heavily as she continued loudly 'I changed my entire life for you Jonny, what I bloody fool I am for trusting a man like you, already in love with a woman who couldn't possibly love him in return.' She pushed past him and headed for the stairs leaving only the sound of her angry sobs in her wake.

'You might want to get some ice on that cheek of yours Maconie' Jonny heard Michael Spence's American drawl speak behind him. He turned around still holding his stinging cheek to see Michael, Ric Griffin and Serena Campbell all stood, coffees in hand, watching the scene unfold in front of them.

'I'm guessing you heard all of that?' Jonny asked embarrassed.

'Congratulations Jonny' Ric spoke awkwardly before walking in the direction of AAU.

'I'm assuming he means for the baby and not for ending a relationship rather publicly' Serena nodded to Jonny with a slightly amused grin on her face. 'I'll offer my congratulations on the safe delivery of you daughter too' she spoke as followed after Ric Griffin.

'Come on, up to Keller' Michael sighed at Jonny 'I can't send you back up to NICU looking like that. I have to say I'm impressed you defended Jac's honour so quickly' Michael spoke as he pressed the button to summon the lift 'although I still think you more than deserved the slap.'

'It hurts a lot if that helps you' Jonny grumbled as they stepped into the lift together.

'It does actually make me feel a little better' Michael smirked 'for Jac anyway.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for reading. I need a bit of help because I can't decide whether or not to bring in Josephs mother, Lady Anne-Marie Byrne, into the mix. Feel free let me know your opinions on this! Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts, opinions and suggestions :-) **

Jac Naylor stood at the side of the incubator containing her daughter, _her child_, her beautiful little girl. She could hear Mr T talking through the details of her child's condition but she wasn't really taking any of it in as she stared in awe at the tiny baby still sedated and ventilated, simply swamped in wires and tubes. She could see from the monitors her baby's stats were good, better than expected, and she heard the cautious way Mr T described the infant as 'stabilising'. She knew this assessment of her condition could change rapidly but seeing her Jac just knew this little girl had as much determination as she did and it was this that made her quietly optimistic for her daughter's survival.

'You can touch her if you'd like to Jac' Mo's soft words brought Jac out of her trance.

'Did you have any questions Jac?' Mr T asked her gently, guessing everything he'd just said hadn't been fully listened to.

Jac shook her head as she cautiously put her hand into the incubator to stroke the soft skin of her baby's hand. 'She so tiny' she breathed.

'Four pound eleven ounces isn't a bad weight given her early arrival' Mr T spoke reassuringly.

'She knows that' Mo rolled her eyes at him 'an eleven pounder would look small to her right now.'

'I very much doubt it would have felt small' Jac smiled wittily not taking her eyes off her baby. She was grateful for the presence of Mo at this time so she wasn't alone. A strange bond had formed between the two women when Jac had unexpectedly become Mo's birthing partner when she'd delivered a surrogate baby.

'Look she has your red hair' Mo smiled as she carefully reached into the cot and lifted the edge of the tiny pink hat covering the head of the baby to reveal a light covering of soft fiery red hair. 'Isn't that cutest thing you've ever seen?' Mo grinned as she carefully replaced the hat on the tiny head of the infant.

'She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life' Jac bit down on her bottom lip as tears threatened to form in her eyes.

'I'll…erm…I'll leave you to it' Mr T spoke awkwardly, unsure of what to do with an emotional Jac Naylor. He handed Mo a box a tissues before he made a swift exit.

'Well baby' Mo spoke softly to the small being in the incubator 'this is your Mummy and you should be honoured by those tears, she doesn't cry very often'

'Shut up Maureen' Jac muttered as she took a tissue with the free hand that wasn't touching her child to wipe her eyes.

'Now she'll tell you it's just because of the hormones' Mo continued to chatter the baby ignoring Jac 'but we both know that it's because she loves you so much.'

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes with Mo intently watching Jac as she absorbed every tiny detail of her child as she slowly stroked the infants tiny hand.

'I thought this would never happen to me' Jac broke the silence 'I thought I would never have a baby and I'd resigned myself to being alone for ever.'

'Jac I…' Mo hesitated for a moment before deciding to continue 'I overheard what Jonny said to you that day outside theatre.'

'You mean the fifty per cent chance of any child coming from my womb being the anti-Christ comment?' Jac spoke without releasing her concentration from her baby.

'He didn't mean it, I know he didn't' Mo was desperate for Jac to forgive Jonny. They might not be destined to be together but they needed to be able to function as a team for the baby. 'When Jonny gets angry he just speaks words without realising their meaning'

'It doesn't make it hurt any less.' Jac responded bluntly. She looked up and stared Mo in the eye before asking 'and what about the pregnant whore comment? He didn't mean that one either?'

'He's hurting' Mo smiled apologetically 'I told you before his relationship with you was different, he was in love with you.'

'Yeah well people can make mistakes' Jac muttered before returning her attention back to her child. 'Although sometimes they can turn out to be happy accidents' she smiled softly as she tenderly stroked the cheek of her own flesh and blood. 'I wish things were different Mo, I really do but the thing is a lot has happened and I love Joseph, as much as I tried to ignore it and move on I just couldn't. He has my heart.'

Mo was staggered by Jac's honesty 'I know, I'm not judging you. In fact in many ways I agree with you, you and Mr Byrne seem to be a much better match.'

Jac shook her head as she spoke wistfully 'I know Elliot likes to be romantic about the situation but the truth is Joseph and I are not a fairy tale. We are both flawed and we know it which is probably why it works.'

'Is there a part of you that wishes she were Joseph's child?' Mo asked without thinking. As Jac looked up suddenly, her expression hard to read, Mo quickly followed this up with 'honestly, I'm not judging you.'

'Like I said, I wish things were different but they're not' Jac looked back down at the baby 'I'm just so grateful she's here.'

'I think this baby will be a good thing for Jonny' Mo spoke softly 'I think it will make him grow up. He has what it takes to be a good father.'

'I know' Jac nodded 'he has a lot of love for this baby and that's a start.'

'Have you thought about names?' Mo decided to change the subject seeing Jac beginning to get tearful again 'you can't call her baby forever.'

'I don't see why not, Baby Naylor was actually starting to grow on me' Jac smiled as she thought of the way Joseph had talked to the baby whilst she was still in her womb, only ever calling her 'Baby' or 'Baby Naylor' if he was being stern with her for kicking her mother too much. 'I ought to discuss it with Jonny first but I actually kept thinking of her as an Emma'

'Emma?' Jonny spoke quietly as he walked up to the two women stood around his daughters cot, startling them both 'I actually rather like Emma. It suits her' he smiled warmly at Jac but wasn't surprised when she didn't return it 'Emma Naylor-Maconie, it has quite a ring to it.'

'Wow that's first thing you two have agreed on since this one was conceived' Mo tried to break the uncomfortable atmosphere between the parents 'I'll leave you two alone so you can talk things out.' She put her hand back into the incubator and softly stroked the infants cheek. 'Goodbye Emma, Auntie Mo will be back soon sweetheart.' She smiled reassuringly at Jonny before she left, hoping to give him confidence to talk frankly with Jac.

'I thought we were likely to have an almighty row over her name, particularly her surname' Jac spoke coldly to Jonny as she continued to stare at her daughter.

'You carried her for eight months and then gave birth I think you've earned the right to have outright naming rights' Jonny shifted awkwardly, realising just how hurt Jac was by his thoughtless words and actions. 'As for the surname I remember what you told me about changing your name to your grandmothers because you loved her more than your mother so I guess it's right she has the surname you chose first' he took courage from the way Jac looked up at him now, a look of surprise etched on her face 'it's your identity after all.'

'I didn't think you'd remember all that' she gave him a small smile before returning her attention back to the baby.

'Jac I…' Jonny faltered into silence for a moment before realising what he needed to say was actually rather simple 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the things I've said to you, for the way I've behaved and for being a complete and utter idiot. Most of all I'm sorry I hurt you.' She looked up at him again, giving a small nod to acknowledge his apology. 'I didn't mean the things I said to you'

'Jonny you say those things out of temper' Jac spoke matter factuality, not harshly but not exactly in a warm tone either. She didn't want him to think he would be so easily forgiven.

'I know' he nodded his agreement 'I'm working on it, I promise'

'Good, because if you ever say things to Emma like you've said to me I'll never forgive you and I'm not sure she will either' she narrowed her eyes at him she spoke her warning 'they may just be words to you but they are unbelievably hurtful'.

'I'm promising you I'll stop myself for Emma. I'll never hurt her, I couldn't hurt her' Jonny knew he had to promise Jac this, he couldn't blame her for her concern. After all she didn't want her child to have the same confusing upbringing she'd suffered.

'Good' she nodded her head again at him before turning back to Emma once more.

'I apologised to Joseph' Jonny informed her as he walked around to the other side of the incubator, previously occupied by Mo.

'I know, he told me' She gently stroked Emma's tiny hand she spoke 'he also told me not to be so hard on you'

'He seems like a good guy' Jac could tell this caused Jonny a little effort to say those words with a cherry note in his voice 'I guess as he's going to be a part of your life and Emma's life we need to get along'

'It would help yes' Jac nodded her agreement before adding softly 'I didn't get back together with Joseph to hurt you Jonny, I do actually love him.'

'I know' this time Jonny couldn't disguise the disappointed sadness in his voice.

'I'll promise you something though, I'll always put Emma first no matter what. I didn't think it would be possible but I love her more than words could possibly express' Jac didn't look up from her daughter as she spoke her pledge to Jonny 'and I know you do too. I guess I'm trying to say is, no one will ever replace you in Emma's life. You will always be her father. We just have figure out a way to make it work for her, so she'll see both of us all the time.'

'I never thought you'd try to cut me out of Emma's life' Jonny let out a small sigh of relief 'but thank you for saying it, now I'm actually listening.' He smiled softly as Jac looked up once more to meet his gaze 'We'll figure it out, I know we will. I'd like it if we could be friends'

'I think we might have to work on friends. Civil parents will work for now though' Jac spoke flatly to him, again not letting him off the hook for his recent bad behaviour.

'Fair enough' Jonny nodded understanding he had a lot of repair work to do to his relationship with Jac before she would completely trust him again. They stood together in silence equally absorbed in their child before Jac spoke again,

'What happen to your cheek?'

'I broke things off with Bonnie' he answered her truthfully, carefully touching the bruised skin on his face 'is it really noticeable?'

'You idiot' Jac laughed softly watching him 'although I have to say I'm surprised at Bonnie, she didn't seem the type for violence'

'She's not, at least not unless provoked I guess' he frowned at Jac's amusement.

'Well Emma, I guess Daddy is lucky that at least he's got one graceful little lady in his life huh?' Jac spoke softly to the sedated infant. Her amused smiled suddenly turned slightly serious as she asked 'I know we always tell people to talk to their sedated relatives but do you think she can really hear us? '

Jonny shrugged his shoulders as he spoke 'I like to think she can. I've already told her how loved she is and how brave she is and strong, just like your Mum aren't you Emma?' he softly stroked the other hand of his tiny daughter.

'I think she looks like a fighter' Jac agreed with Jonny 'I know we're not meant to get our hopes up or tempt fate but seeing her, it's just made me feel more positive. Do you know what I mean?'

'Absolutely' Jonny nodded 'it must be the Naylor in her, making her impress all the doctors and nurses with her brilliance at only a few hours old' he looked up as he heard Jac let out a soft laugh. He smiled at her across the incubator 'see Jac, we can do this. We can be civil and work as a team for Emma'

Jac nodded in agreement as she spoke softly 'for Emma.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for reading. Please take a moment to leave a quick review. I greatly appreciate all of thoughts, opinions and suggestions you take the time to leave.**

Joseph smiled to himself as he looked through the window of the secure locked door of NICU. He could see Jac stood at the side of an incubator looking a mixture of exhaustion, bewilderment and awe. Despite the extraordinary set of circumstances surrounding the existence of her chid she looked just like any other new mother.

Mr Thompson smiled as he acknowledged the presence of Joseph, waiting patiently to be let into the unit. 'Hi' the gynaecologist smiled as he opened the door for Jac's partner. 'Perhaps you could try to persuade Jac to go back to her room for a rest. I'm not having much luck' he asked softly as the door closed behind them.

'Sure' Joseph smiled confidently at Mr T as they walked the short distance to Jac's side.

'Hi' Joseph spoke softly to Jac as he put his arm around her waist.

Jac turned her attention away from her baby to smile at Joseph. 'Isn't she just perfect?' she whispered to him.

Joseph gazed down at the tiny baby, covered head to toe in wires and tubes. He looked beyond the medical equipment to see the beauty of what Jac was seeing; her baby girl. Joseph smiled as he realised the baby looked so much like Jac, the tiny infant had such a look of determination about her that Joseph would have recognised her as Jac's child in a room full of new-born's.

'and look' Jac carried on talking to Joseph without waiting for his reaction to her daughter as she carefully removed the tiny pink hat adorning the baby's head 'she has my hair'.

'As if she didn't look like you enough already' Joseph laughed softly as he watched Jac slowly and carefully replace the hat on her daughters head. 'May I?' he asked, indicating with his hand that he wanted to touch the tiny being inside the incubator.

'Sure' Jac smiled as she removed her hand from the cot to allow Joseph to insert his through the porthole.

'Well hello Baby' he spoke softly to the infant as he gently stoked her tiny hand 'I'm Joseph and I'm very pleased to meet you.'

'We've named her' Jac spoke as took hold of Josephs free hand with her own and entwined her fingers with his. 'We're calling her Emma Naylor-Maconie'

'A beautiful name for a beautiful little girl' Joseph smiled down at the baby 'although I'm afraid little one you may forever be Baby to me'

'I love you Joseph Byrne' Jac spoke softly, feeling tears of a mixture of emotions building in her eyes and rolling down onto her cheeks.

'Hey, Jac come on' Joseph spoke softly to her as he removed his hand from the incubator and pulled her into his arms.

'Is it normal to feel happy and worried and just so ridiculously helpless all at the same time?' she sobbed against his chest.

'Shh, of course it is' Joseph soothed her, holding her as close to his chest as he could.

'I wanted to be different, I wanted to be good Mum to my daughter' she continued to cry.

'You are a good Mum' Joseph spoke sternly to her 'remember what Harry said this morning?'

'But I can't do anything for my baby' Jac sniffed.

'You are doing everything you can by loving and supporting her' Joseph kissed the top of Jac's head as he held her, wondering how long she had been waiting to let go of this emotion for 'the best thing for Emma is to let the NICU team do their best for her and if that means you stepping back from physically caring for her then that's what you have to do.'

'How is Harry?' Jac asked as she moved away from Joseph, drying her eyes with a tissue.

'He's good although he said he was missing you. Elliot is going to look after him tonight so I can stay here with you.'

'No Joseph' Jac shook her head firmly 'poor Harry has had enough upheaval the past couple of weeks, he should be at home with you.'

'We're not arguing about this Jac' Joseph spoke just as firmly 'Harry is happy with Elliot because he'll get to play with the dog and I won't be happy unless I'm here with you. If you can honestly tell me that you want to be alone here tonight then…' he let his voice trial off as Jac shook her head slowly, letting more tears roll down her cheeks. 'I've brought you in some toiletries and some clothes and a pair of pyjama's so at least you won't have to stay in the fetching Holby City Hospital gown and robe' he smiled wryly at Jac, knowing how much she hated playing the role of patient.

She laughed softly through her tears as she let Joseph pull her back into his arms muttering 'what would I do without you?'

* * *

'I think we should hang back for a couple of minutes' Sacha Levy spoke quietly to Jonny from where stood watching the exchange between the couple, neither of them wanting to interrupt the emotional moment 'I don't want Jac wondering what we did or didn't over hear'

'What does she mean by 'I wanted to be different'?' Jonny asked Sacha with a confused look on his face as they watched Joseph now trying to persuade a stubborn Jac she should get some rest.

'Different from her own mother' Sacha spoke softly as he observed the way Joseph was with Jac, so tender and loving and Jac was at ease accepting it. He smiled to himself pleased that at long last Jac had someone dependable and understanding to love her.

'What did her mother do that was so bad?' Jonny asked not expecting to get an answer to the question.

Sacha considered Jonny for a moment, finally understanding the man's frustration during his brief relationship with Jac 'you really don't know?'

Jonny shrugged his shoulders as he answered 'I tried so many times to get her talk but she never would, at least not properly. I got the gist that her up bring was not conventional and it had a lot to do with her mother.'

'To be honest Jonny, I wouldn't know where to start' Sacha looked sympathetically at Jonny 'and really it's Jac's story to tell'

'But she has told you though?' Jonny watched as Sacha nodded 'and evidently she's told him' Jonny nodded crossly towards Joseph, stood with his arm around Jac watching over baby Emma.

'Careful of the green eyed monster Jonny' Sacha warned him softly 'you need to remember Jac has known Joseph a long time, from way back when they were young registrars. They were friends, then lovers, then enemies, then friends and then lovers…' Sacha let his voice trial off.

'And then he broke her heart by skipping off to Cornwall' Jonny added in sarcastically.

'They both had their reasons for leaving and for staying' Sacha patted Jonny softly on the shoulder to show him he understood his feelings of jealously 'but they've found each other again and rekindled their original romance. I'm sorry my friend but I'm afraid Jac and Joseph…'

'Do not say 'written in the stars' or 'soul mates destined to be together for all eternity' because I may just throw up if one more person tells me that' Jonny gloomily cut Sacha off.

'I know it hurts Jonny' Sacha pulled him into a one armed, bone crushing hug 'but at least you can be friends with Jac. Surely that's better than nothing.'

'Can you let me go please Sacha?' Jonny gasped 'people are looking'

'Sorry' Sacha apologised for his overly enthusiastic attempt to offer comfort as he let the young nurse go 'but at least promise me you'll keep your feelings of jealousy under wraps?'

'I'm trying' Jonny smiled weakly 'for Emma I'm trying'

Sacha nodded his head. 'I think it's safe for us to approach now' he gestured at Jac and Joseph who seemed to have progressed into a conversation about Harry. He strode off in the direction of his friend, planning to scold her for not resting.

Jonny lapsed behind for a couple of minutes taking slow deep breaths to help himself control his emotions. Watching Jac with Joseph, and in turn the happy couple with Emma, was turning out to be a lot harder than he had anticipated. He could only hope it would get easier with time. As he started to walk towards his daughter's incubator he could hear Jac saying 'I can't leave Emma, what if she thinks I've abandoned her?'

'Just for a few hours Jac' Joseph pleaded with her 'just to have a sleep and perhaps a little something to eat'

'I'll stay with her for a bit and Jonny will be here, its hardly abandoning her when she's got her Dad with her is it?' Sacha also offered kindly.

'I won't leave her alone Jac I promise, I'm going to send the whole night right here' Jonny spoke softly, not fully understanding Jac's reasoning when the baby was sedated and surrounded by numerous medical staff but knowing she meant the words as she spoke them. 'If I need to leave her side I'll make sure there will be someone's voice she'll recognise to be with her.'

'See you've got it straight from the horses mouth' Sacha spoke jovially.

'And I'll even text you regular little updates if you like' Jonny managed to force a soft smile as spoke the words to Jac.

She considered his words for a moment before asking 'you'll call me if there's any change so I can come right back?'

'Absolutely' Jonny nodded to her 'any change in condition and you'll be the first to know'

'Ok' Jac finally agreed, defeated, as Sacha practically bounded off to fetch a wheelchair for her. She would never admit it but she was exhausted, the many sleepless nights she'd endured and the physical demands of labour had finally caught up with her. 'Goodnight Emma' she spoke softly to her baby, giving her cheek one last soft stroke 'I'll be back soon sweetheart.'

'Right then Ms Naylor your chariot awaits' Sacha declared as he parked a wheelchair near to Jac. She glared at him before she carefully sat herself down into it, her body still aching and sore from the birthing process. He kissed her cheek quickly before she could protest and then whispered in her ear 'I'm so proud of you Jac, I said you had it in you to make the best parent' in response Jac grabbed hold of her best friends hand and squeezed it tightly, letting him know she was grateful for his friendship. 'Shall I pop up to see you after I've finished admiring Miss Emma?' he asked her.

'If you must' she answered him nonchalantly but Sacha could see a small smile playing at the corners of her lips.

'Right then off we go' Joseph spoke as he pushed the wheelchair away from the incubator. It took all of Jacs self-resolve not to demand he turn back around and take her back. 'Just think about getting changed into your own pyjamas and having a nice sleep' Joseph spoke softly to her as he pushed her out of NICU 'you'll feel so much better and ready to take on the world then.'

'What does she mean when she says she's worried Emma will feel abandoned?' Jonny asked Sacha as the two men watched Jac and Joseph leave the unit.

Sacha sighed as he sat himself down in the seat beside Emma's cot. 'Jonny I really shouldn't tell you anything'

'Just a brief outline will do' Jonny pleaded 'please Sacha just so I can have some sort of understanding of what goes on in that strange head of hers.'

Sacha rubbed his tired eyes as he thought for a moment. 'Ok, but if I tell you I need to know that you won't repeat any of it to anyone else, not even Mo' Sacha looked across at Jonny as he spoke

'I promise' Jonny agreed quickly.

'I'll probably have to tell Jac what I've told you' Sacha spoke seriously 'but I can see that if you know a little bit about Jac it'll be easier for you to understand her, however I'm not prepared to tell you everything'

'Fair enough' Jonny nodded.

'The reason Jac is like she is' Sacha began slowly, choosing his words carefully 'or appears to be cold and stand-offish is because she spent a lot of her childhood in care. Something which became permanent when she was twelve'

'Why?' Jonny asked softly, almost disbelieving Jac had managed to keep this fact about herself so well hidden.

'Her mother is a bit of a free-sprit shall we say' Sacha smiled ruefully as he remembered the woman he had met four years ago 'I don't think raising a child fit in with her lifestyle choices. She first left Jac when she was a new born. She walked straight out of that hospital without a care in the world. Lord knows why she returned, but it was a pattern of abandonment she was to repeat time and time again.'

Jonny nodded his head slowly as he processed the information Sacha was giving him, a lot of Jac's behaviour towards him when they were a couple was starting to make sense now. Her constant inner battle of letting him close and then pushing him away had frustrated him to point where it was impossible for him to see her ever letting him fully love her. 'Did you say her mother is as opposed to was?' he asked Sacha.

'Yes' Sacha answered him, confused as to why he was choosing to focus on this.

'So she is alive then?' Jonny watched as Sacha nodded to confirm this 'I always thought Jac's parents were dead. She always said she didn't have any family.'

'She has a grandfather and a half-sister as well but as far as Jac is concerned blood doesn't make you family' Sacha considered Jonny carefully 'Jac is too battered and bruised by what's happened in her childhood to consider these people as her family. Instead she has Michael and I and now Joseph and Harry of course'.

'I don't get it' Jonny shook his head 'how could anyone just abandon their own child like that?'

'Her mother said it was because she was too young but…' Sacha shrugged his shoulders sadly as he let his voice trial off.

'You've met her?' Jonny asked surprised.

'Oh yes, we've met' Sacha nodded 'how I wish we hadn't'

'Has Joseph met her?' Jonny asked sullenly.

'Yes' Sacha answered slowly before asking 'what difference does that make?'

'I just…' Jonny shook his head 'I dunno, I guess I'm just trying to figure out something that Elliot said to me earlier, something about how Joseph and Jac understand each other in ways others would never be able to' Jonny sat himself down on a stool at the side of Emma's incubator, looking down at the peaceful infant.

'I know Joseph looks as though he was brought up in a privileged environment but it was only privileged by money' Sacha tried to offer an explanation. 'His childhood lacked the same things Jac's did. There aren't too many people you meet in this world who have had a childhood devoid of love and yet those two found each other and somehow they found they could offer love they were missing to each other.' Sacha watched as Jonny wiped away an unwanted tear with the back of his hand.

'I guess there's no way I can compete with that' Jonny sniffed, letting out a soft snort of resignation as he spoke.

'It's a beautiful thing, what Jac and Joesph have, and I'm sorry it's so painful for you to hear it' Sacha spoke softly understanding how Jonny was feeling 'it does get easier, I promise you Jonny. When Chrissie left me I thought I'd never get over it and yet I have somehow found a way to live with it. I just had to accept the fact I loved her more than she did me and because of that it wasn't meant to be.'

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes, Sacha watching Jonny as Jonny observed his tiny daughters mechanical breaths.

'You know Jac was so afraid throughout the pregnancy' Sacha spoke softly breaking the silence 'not just that she would lose Emma at the birth but that if Emma did survive Jac would turn out to be just like her own mother, unable to love her own daughter'

'Why wouldn't she tell me any of this?' Jonny shook his head 'you can tell Jac loves Emma, even before she was born you could tell she loved her, even if she's unsure of what she's meant to be doing'

Sacha let out a soft laugh 'she won't admit it but the reason she is unsure is because she doesn't know what to do and she doesn't trust herself enough to just go with her instinct. She's still so afraid of things going wrong but she'll figure it out. Jac Naylor always does in the end.'

'We'll help her to figure it out, won't we Emma?' Jonny spoke softly, tenderly stroking the baby's hand 'we'll help Mummy to see she's the best mother you could possibly wish for.'

'You'll be a good friend to Jac if you can Jonny' Sacha smiled softly, witnessing the tender love of a father for his child 'the adventure into motherhood was never going to be easy for Jac.'


	7. Chapter 7

'Here you go one hot milk and honey' Joseph smiled as he set the hot drink down on the bedside table for Jac.

'You do realise that's a comfort drink for a sore throat?' Jac raised her eyebrow at him as she set aside the tablet she was browsing on.

'It'll help you sleep, I always make it for Harry when he's had a hard day and it works wonders' Joseph laughed as he took a seat in the comfortable armchair by the bed. Jac was already looking much better having had another shower and dressed herself in her own soft grey long jersey pyjama bottoms and one of Joseph's old navy blue T-shirt's commandeered years ago for sleeping in.

'I can't believe you kept that T-shirt' he smiled at her wistfully as he took hold of her hand.

'I can't believe you remembered it's my favourite thing to sleep in' she smiled back at him.

'Ah well madam, I know you so well, almost better than I know myself' he raised her hand up to his and kissed it, causing Jac to laugh softly 'besides it looks so much better on you than it ever did on me'

'You always used to say that whenever I wore your clothes' Jac laughed at him.

'Because it's true' Joseph kissed her hand again and then held it against his cheek.

'Maybe, once this has gone' she rubbed the bump of her stomach, the visible evidence that she had borne a child mere hours ago. 'I can't believe she's here, it feels like a life time ago we sat in the bath feeling her kicks and punches but it was a little less than 24 hours ago' she smiled wistfully at Joseph 'and now I feel redundant and useless because there's nothing I can do for her anymore' she let the tears roll down her cheeks, unafraid to show her weaknesses now she and Joseph were alone.

'Move over' Joseph commanded her as he stood up beside the bed. He waited for her to carefully move her small frame a little over to the left side of the bed before sitting next to her in the space she had provided for him. 'I know this hard for you Jac, not being the one in control' he spoke softly as he placed his arm around her bony shoulders 'but Emma stills needs you, you are still her mum'

Jac let herself lean into Joseph, allowing his warmth to comfort her. She let her tears fall in silence for a few minutes before finally voicing her greatest fear 'What if she dies Joseph?'

'Now what happened to all the positivity of earlier?' Joseph softly kissed the top of Jacs head 'Emma is strong and a fighter, just like you'

'None of us are immortal Joseph' Jac shakily wiped away her tears with her hand 'all it would take is one tiny little infection and…'

'Stop it!' Joseph interrupted her firmly 'you're thinking too much like a doctor, calculating the odds. Have a little hope Jac.'

'I can't, I can't shake off the thought that I might have to say goodbye to her' she had started sobbing now, uncontrollable cries of sorrow and grief, 'why did I let myself bond with her?'

'Because you could' Joseph spoke softly to her, holding her tightly in his arms. He wasn't shocked by Jac's words knowing as he did her experiences in life had taught her well the pain of having love and all its hopes and possibilities ripped away from you. 'I love you Jac Naylor' he whispered in her ear 'I know everything you are capable of and I love you for all that you are' he gently smoothed her fiery red hair as he spoke to her 'don't give up now, don't give up on Emma' he held as she cried, gently soothing her as best he could until she fell into an exhausted sleep clinging to him as though her very existence depended on him.

She slept peacefully in his arms for a couple of hours whilst he read various journal articles using her abandoned tablet. She drew his attention away from the latest BMJ with her sudden increased breaths of panic. Her hands clawed at him as though fighting for her own survival. 'Jac' he called her name softly, recognising her nightmare 'Jac you're just dreaming' he continued to speak to her calmly 'if you wake up you'll be safe here with me' he stroked her hair as her eyelids fluttered as she fought to wake herself.

'Joseph?' she called out his name, her voice panicked.

'I'm right here Jac' he soothed her softly, wiping away her tears with his fingers as she slowly awakened from her dark dreams. 'Hello' he smiled at her as she finally opened her pale green eyes. 'So you do still get nightmares?' he spoke with a soft laugh as he recalled the way she had denied she still suffered from them weeks ago.

She said nothing as she sat herself up, brushing away his caring hands from herself angrily, and reached over to the bedside table for a tissue to wipe away her own tears.

'Jac?' Joseph queried softly, hurt at the way she rejected him.

'Why'd you want me Joseph?' she asked him bitterly 'why would you want someone as broken as me?'

'Because I love you' He sat himself up and gently placed his hand on her shoulder taking courage from the way she didn't brush him off 'and because I know the darkness that is in your head is not your fault' he watched the way she drew her knees up to her chest, whether she did it out of pain or as a sign of self-defence he couldn't tell. 'It takes a fellow survivor to understand another remember?' he whispered in her ear as he rubbed her back. 'I won't ever leave you Jac' he continued to whisper in her ear 'don't push me away it won't work'

'It was him' she spoke in shaky breaths 'I was trying to get away, I had to get away' she breathed out slowly trying to gain control of her own emotions.

'It wasn't real' Joseph spoke softly as he continued to rub her back 'he can't hurt you in a dream'

'But it was real once' she reminded him quietly.

He leaned his head against her shoulder, annoyed with himself for his own stupidity with his choice of words. 'I'm sorry' he whispered to her.

'I've promised myself I'm going to protect Emma from ever feeling like I do, I don't want my daughter to grow up in fear' Jac suddenly spoke, her voice strong and determined once more.

'You won't be alone in that Jac' Joesph smiled as he heard her strength in her words 'she'll also have her Dad and her step father and her step brother all fighting for her too'

'Step father and brother?' Jac laughed softly 'wouldn't we have to be married for that?'

'We could do that' Joseph took his head of her shoulder, his voice serious 'you could be my wife and…'

'Joseph' Jac interrupted him softly 'I was joking' she leaned back slightly and turned her head to the side to kiss him lightly on the cheek 'let's not rush things.'

'But one day…?' he let his question hang in the air

'I'll perhaps become the third Mrs Byrne?' she smiled at him mischievously.

'It would seriously annoy my mother if you married me' he grinned at her matching her mischievousness 'if that would help sway your decision'

'Don't be a fool' she smiled as she kissed his lips softly. Her body suddenly tensed as their lips parted and she hugged her knees tighter to her chest.

'You are in pain' Joseph spoke as though he were answering a question.

'Well done Sherlock' Jac rolled her eyes at him 'I did just deliver a baby a few hours ago'

'A lot of pain?' he ignored her sarcasm

'Just a bit a cramping' she shrugged her shoulders, trying to pretend it wasn't as bad as it was.

'You need pain relief' he kissed her cheek before he moved himself off the bed 'I'll go and sort something out for you'

'Nothing that will…'

'Interfere with your breast milk' he finished for her, knowing her determination to provide what she could for Emma even if she was reduced to expressing it 'I know'. He smiled at her before he left the room his heart still appearing to skip a beat as she returned it, even after all these years. He walked confidently to the nurses station his feet feeling as though they were walking on air knowing he could call Jac his partner for life. Whether or not he would get her to marry him remained to be seen.

'Ms Naylor is experiencing some discomfort; I wonder if you could contact Mr Thompson to sort out some pain relief?' Joseph smiled at the young nurse at the desk, knowing she had already probably spread the gossip that she had found the formidable Ms Naylor asleep in the arms of Mr Byrne when she attempted to do obs an hour ago.

'Certainly Mr Byrne, I will page him for you right away' she returned Josephs smile politely, privately wondering what on earth the legendary gentleman Joseph Byrne saw in the feisty red head he was so clearly smitten with. The young woman valued her job too much to divulge confidential information regarding Ms Naylor's medical records, however juicy she might have found them, but she had relished in giving little tip bits surrounding the couples relationship especially the response she got from revealing the fact Mr Byrne was footing the bill for Ms Naylor's stay on Holby Care. 'I can organise a hot water bottle in the meantime if that would help?' she suggested helpfully as she dialled the phone 'the endometriosis is sure to make the cramping worse'

'I'm sorry what endometriosis?' Joseph's face suddenly fell as it dawned on him Jac had been hiding details from him yet again.

'I...I..' the young nurse stuttered

'Joseph!' an out of breath Professor Hope interrupted the exchange between the relieved nurse and a confused Joseph Byrne. 'Is Harry with you?'

'No, he was meant to be with you' Joseph's voice reached a note of panic.

'He was, I mean I left him in my office for a couple of minutes whilst I saw to Mr Smyth and when I went back he was gone!' Elliot spoke with rapid breaths his own panic evident in his voice 'I'm so sorry Joseph'

'This isn't your fault Elliot. He can't have gone far surely' Joseph rubbed his tired eyes 'he's a smart boy, if he gets lost he'll ask someone for help' he desperately evaded any idea of something heinous having happened to his child.

'Joseph!' Mr T walked up to the two men jovially, his day being deemed a success by the safe arrival of baby Naylor 'I hear Jac may be in need of pain relief'

'She's through there, I'm sorry I have to try to find my son' Joseph shook his head as though trying to clear it, the stress of the situation having clouded his ability to think rationally.

'I've phoned security for you Mr Byrne' the young nurse spoke timidly, still terrified she'd disclosed private information about Ms Naylor 'they're on the lookout for a small boy and have asked if you have a recent photograph of him they could take a look at.'

'Oh' Mr Thompsons face dropped into immediate concern 'is there anything I can do to help?'

'Just see to Jac and please don't tell her Harry is missing' Joseph spoke as he hurriedly fetched his wallet out his jacket pocket and riffled through it for the most recent picture he had of Harry. 'Elliot could you go in with him please? You know how Jac works…'

He let his voice trial off as Elliot nodded at him understandingly, if he could take this one piece of stress away from Joseph then he would.

'Your obs weren't done' Mr T was questioning as Elliot entered the room 'they were meant to be done over an hour ago'

'I was sleeping' Jac shrugged her shoulders, still sat with her knees drawn up to chest, slightly hunched over her cramping abdomen 'maybe Joseph asked them not to disturb me.' She looked at Elliot as he slipped into the room, a frown of confusion falling across her face 'where is Joseph?'

'He went out for some food' Elliot lied easily.

'So where's Harry? I thought you were looking after him?' Jac's suspicions where raised.

'Harry's with Joseph' Elliot lied again although he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with Jac's questioning.

'Perhaps we should concentrate on you for a minute Jac' Mr T spoke firmly 'can you lie back for me so I can examine you' Jac did as asked and answered his questions with increasing impatience. 'I'll get some pain relief sorted out for you' Mr T finally finished his examination and filled in some details on Jac's chart 'I also want you on bed rest for the next few hours'

'No' Jac shook her head firmly.

'It wasn't really an optional suggestion Jac' Mr T spoke threateningly.

'Fine, I'll discharge myself' she shrugged her shoulders insolently 'so long as I can see Emma when I want to'

'Jac' Elliot spoke her name firmly.

'It's my choice Elliot' she retorted, resuming her hunched up position

'So just how are you planning on moving yourself when you're in that much pain?' Elliot crossed his arms across his chest as Mr T left the room to sort out the pain relief.

'A few pain killers and I'll be good to go' she shrugged her shoulders again.

'You're being petulant' Elliot spoke crossly to her, her stubbornness annoying him in this time of crisis.

'You're hiding something from me' she snapped back.

'Just do as Mr T asks Jac' Elliot sat himself down in the chair beside her bed, his head becoming giddy as the tightness in his chest worsened 'if you make yourself ill what good will you be to Emma then?'

'Right I'm giving you pain relief intravenously' Mr T spoke as he returned with the relevant equipment 'that is of course of you don't actually have any intention of putting your own health at risk by discharging yourself?'

'I'm staying' Jac snapped her attention fully focused on Elliot, assessing his condition as he clearly struggled to breathe 'would you mind attending to Professor Hope?' she spoke waspishly as Mr T set up the line to her cannula 'seeing as he's clearly having an angina attack, although it isn't apparent why.'

'Elliot! Why didn't you say something?' Mr T suddenly switched his attention to the gentleman sat in the chair who was clearly rather ill.

'The question is more why didn't you notice?' Jac rolled her eyes as she witnessed the gynaecologist's clumsy attempt to take Elliot's pulse. 'Elliot where is your glyceryl trinitrate spray?' she calmly asked the professor.

'Not in my pocket obviously' he joked despite of the pain he was feeling in his chest and worry on his mind.

'I'll phone Mo and sort you out with one' Mr T spoke as he hurried out of the room.

'Sometimes I seriously question my own judgment for trusting him with my womb and child' Jac mused as she watched Mr T's retreating back.

'Everyone has their niche Jac' Elliot smiled amusedly as he observed his redheaded friend as her body was starting to relax 'and I can't see why you should be complaining, I can already see the pain killers are working for you.'

'It's a little better' she admitted as she cautiously repositioned herself so she was sat propped up against the pillows. Secretly she was relived the nagging pains were being dealt with, even if it did mean she would be confined to the private room for now.

There was a soft knock on the open the door and Jonny cautiously peered around it. 'Hi' he spoke awkwardly 'I have a slightly upset wee man here' he gently led a silently crying Harry by the hand into the room 'I'm guessing this is Harry Byrne I've just found wondering the halls?'

Jac raised her eyebrow at Elliot 'the explanation for this had better be good' she spoke sternly to him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for reading, there is more drama to come! I use comments and suggestions left in reviews to help improve my writing and develop the story as I work on it. So please don't be shy; take a minute to leave a review to let me know your thoughts, suggestions and opinions :-) **

'Are you cross with me Jac?' Harry spoke, his voice breaking with a sob as more tears fell down his cheek.

'Not with you Harry, no' she spoke softly to the little boy. 'Can you help him up here?' she asked Jonny, who obliged by lifting the little boy up onto the bed so he could gain the comfort he clearly needed from her arms.

'I'd better phone Joseph, let him know Harry has been found' Elliot grimaced as he stood up from the chair, clutching at his chest.

'Sit back down!' Jac barked at him at the same time as Jonny asked 'where's your spray Prof?'

Elliot shrugged his shoulders at Jonny as he obeyed Jac's actions, sitting heavily back down into the chair**.**

'Mr T is organising with Mo to fetch him a new one' Jac informed Jonny as she rubbed the back of a still distressed Harry. 'Where did you find him?'

'Wondering in the corridor of NICU' Jonny answered her as he took in her exhausted appearance and the fact she was now attached a drip 'I have no idea how he got there, all I got out of him was that he wanted you'

'Who's with Emma?' Jac asked, suddenly realising her daughter could potentially be on her own.

'Michael' Jonny answered her as he took Elliot's pulse 'clearly neither of you are going anywhere soon so do you want me to phone Joseph? He must be going out of his mind.' Elliot nodded as he handed Jonny his phone. 'I'll just be outside' Jonny smiled softly as he exited the room to make the call.

'Right Harry I need to know what happened' Jac spoke softly and calmly as she sat the little boy up into sitting position so his words wouldn't be lost in translation muffled against her chest.

'I was waiting in Grandpa Elliot's office like he told me too' Harry sniffed 'we were going to come and see you and then go home' he paused to blow his nose on the tissue Jac handed him 'a nurse came in and said she was going to take me to see you. We went in the lift and walked for ages and ages and then she asked me to wait by some chairs but she didn't come back' tears splashed down Harrys cheeks as he finished his tale.

'Which nurse was it Harry? Did you recognise her?' Elliot asked, still clutching at his chest.

'I think she said her name was Bonnie' Harry snivelled, rubbing his eyes 'I thought I'd never find you'

'Well you're alright now Harry' Jac comforted the child 'good job Jonny came to your rescue huh?' she smiled at him.

'Will Daddy be cross with me?' Harry asked his face full of worry.

'No' Jac shook her head 'he'll just be relieved you're safe. Although next time don't go off with someone you don't know unless we say it's ok' she lightly scolded him, smoothing his hair.

'But she was a nurse' Harry defended his actions.

'Even if the say they are a policeman, a doctor or a teacher Harry, you never go off with someone you don't know' Jac spoke more sternly this time. 'Do you understand?' Harry nodded his head to show he understood her as Jac pulled him back into her arms and kissed the top of his head.

'Right one relieved father is on his way back up here and according to Mr T Mo has found Elliot's spray and is on her way'

'Why would Bonnie do such a thing?' Elliot breathlessly voiced aloud, his mind clearly too occupied to take in what Jonny was saying.

'Jonny can you put him on oxygen?' Jac frowned at Elliot as she spoke.

'What did Bonnie do?' Jonny asked confused as he fetched the mask and turned on the valve by Jac's bed.

'She took Harry' Elliot gasped, thanking Jonny as he took the mask from him.

'What?!' Jonny exclaimed.

'It would seem the delightful Bonnie has a malicious streak, tempting Harry here away from Elliot's office and then abandoning him in the middle of nowhere'

'Jonny's a nurse isn't he?' Harry spoke as he wiggled himself away from Jac's hold to sit back up.

'Yes' Jac answered him slowly wondering what he was going to say next.

'And I didn't know him until just now, when he found me'

'What's your point Harry?' she asked him amusedly

'Well how am I meant to know who is good and who is bad?' He crossed his arms across his chest 'If I hadn't gone with Jonny even though he's a nurse and I didn't know him I would never have found you.'

'Oh dear' Elliot chuckled, but then clutched at his chest as his mirth made the pain worse.

'This kid is only four right?' Jonny spoke in an amused undertone in Jacs ear, smiling as he watched her nod exasperatedly. 'The thing is Harry' Jonny addressed the little boy 'its very difficult to know who to trust and who not to trust and the reason why Jac and Elliot…'

'Grandpa Elliot' Harry corrected Jonny, a confused frown still on his face.

'Grandpa Elliot' Jonny continued, corrected 'were so worried was because they didn't know where you were or who you were with and the real matter is if you hadn't gone off with Bonnie without Grandpa Elliot giving it the ok you wouldn't have had to rely on the good luck of finding me'.

'I still don't get it' Harry shook his head 'and you talk funny' he frowned at Jonny making the adults laugh.

'That's because Jonny is Scottish, in Scotland everyone talks like that' Jac informed Harry 'you'll meet lots of different people with different accents when you live in a city'.

'Dad!' Harry suddenly exclaimed as he spotted Joseph entering the room.

'Oh my god Harry I was so worried' Joseph breathed as he scooped the little boy into his arms and held him tightly.

'You're squashing me!' Harry complained as he squirmed in Joseph's arms to be put down again.

'Don't you ever do that to me again!' Joseph spoke firmly as he sat Harry back down on the end of Jac's bed.

'It wasn't Harrys fault Joseph, not really anyway' Jac explained calmly, not wanting Harry to get upset again 'Bonnie Wallace took Harry from Elliot's office and then abandoned him near NICU and the reason Harry went with her is because Bonnie is a nurse and she told him she was taking him to see me'

'Who is this Bonnie person?' Joseph asked, breathing deeply, trying to control his anger.

'I'm so sorry Joseph' Jonny spoke up 'she's a nurse on Darwin and she and I…well…we were…'

'Having a fling' Elliot filled in helpfully still clutching at his chest and breathing in the oxygen.

'Evening' Mo Effanga smiled brightly as she entered the now crowded room 'got your spray for you Prof…' her faced dropped into a look of concern as she took in the condition of Elliot Hope '…you do not look good' she finished off as she handed him the spray and watched as he sprayed it once under his tongue. 'I think we should get you back up to Darwin, check you over' she spoke sternly 'I'm getting you a wheelchair' she left the room before Elliot had chance to protest.

'Right far too much drama and far too many people in this room' Mr T entered the private room with his arms cross 'Jac needs peace and quiet and rest'

'Not a problem, Elliot's coming back up to Darwin with me' Mo informed the gynaecologist as she re-entered the room pushing an empty wheelchair.

'I'm not, I'm fine' Elliot protested.

'Which part of you is fine exactly?' Mo asked him crossing her arms.

'Jac help me, tell Ms Effanga its just angina' Elliot pleaded.

'You really want to go there with me?' Jac raised her eyebrow at him.

Elliot sighed as he stood up shakily and sat himself down in the wheelchair. 'Has Bonnie Wallace left the ward?' he asked Mo as she busied herself with the oxygen bottle.

'Now that you mention it I haven't seen her for a while. Why?' Mo queried.

'I need you to get onto security and make sure she's left the building and then I need to talk with Colette Sheward'

'Ok' Mo spoke slowly wondering what had happened 'I can do that once we're up on the ward'

'Thank you' Elliot smiled warmly at his registrar now.

'Ready?' Mo asked him as she began to push the chair out of the room.

'Joseph, go with them and look over Elliot's notes' Jac requested of her partner now 'I'll keep an eye on Harry, I've been advising PCI for a while now but he won't hear of it'

'Sure, I can find out a bit more about this Bonnie and just why she terrified my son while I'm there' Joseph nodded his face still full of anger and concern. He kissed Harry on the head and reminded him to be good for Jac. He lent forward and kissed Jac softly on lips whilst Jonny looked away uncomfortably. 'I love you' Joseph whispered as their lips parted 'you will rest won't you? You look a bit pale'

'I'm always pale' she smiled at him 'just take care of Elliot for me.'

He kissed her on the forehead on last time before standing up to leave. 'Thank you Jonny, for finding my son'

'It was more of an accident really' Jonny shrugged as he smiled awkwardly 'just  
glad I could help the wee laddie out, seeing as it was a little my fault' Joseph nodded his head to show he acknowledged Jonny's words before exiting the room.

'Boy am I making a bad impression on him' Jonny stated as he rubbed his tried eyes with his hands.

'At least you rescued Harry for him' Jac smiled warmly at Jonny 'thank you for that'

'If I hadn't of broken things off with Bonnie…' Jonny let his voice trial off

'You can't make people do bad things Jonny, they have the choice whether to act or not' Jac spoke as Harry crawled up the bed and nestled against her, yawning sleepily as he did so.

'You know what was weird?' Jonny mused as he watched the little boy slipping into a deep slumber snuggled up against Jac 'when I asked Harry if he knew where his parents were he told me he was looking for you, he never mentioned Joseph.'

'Oh' Jac looked down at Harry's sleeping face in wonder.

'He said his Mum was Jac Naylor and you were in the hospital poorly because you'd had a baby early' Jonny continued, a slight edge of question to his voice. 'But you can't be because I'd know right? There'd have been some sort of mention of it in all those meetings and scans we had'.

'I'm not Harrys mother Jonny ' Jac rubbed her eyes exasperated by her ex partners assumptions 'Emma is most definitely my first and only child'

'Then why did he say you were?' Jonny sat himself down in the chair, hoping she would talk with him.

'Harry never met his mother, she left when he was only a few weeks old. Harry thought I was his mother because Joseph had kept some pictures of me, it was enough to confuse him'

'He seems quite attached to you, he's only known you a few weeks' Jonny continued.

'Yeah well Harry and I are kindred spirits I guess' Jac spoke softly as she pulled a blanket over Harrys sleeping body.

'Sacha told me, about your mother' Jonny confessed quietly.

Her head wiped round sharply as she spoke harshly 'how much did he tell you?'

'Just that she left you frequently when you were and child and you ended up in care' Jonny watched her face as it became a perfect mask of controlled emotion. 'You should have told me Jac, it might have helped if I'd known'

'Helped in what way?' she laughed humourlessly 'so you could pity me or use it as an excuse for me?'

'No Jac, I wanted to understand why you're like you are, pushing people away' they lapsed into silence, an uncomfortable atmosphere in the room. 'What was it like growing up in care?' he bravely broke into it after a few minutes.

She shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment 'what do you want me tell you Jonny? That it was just fine or the truth that it was like hell on earth?'

'I…I don't know' Jonny stuttered truthfully.

'I'm too tired for this Jonny' she muttered after another awkward silence.

'I'll go, I'd better get back to Emma' Jonny stood up 'I'll say hello for you'. He watched as Jac nodded her head curtly at this. He hesitated as he got to the door 'the thing I don't understand Jac is why you can tell Joseph everything and me so very little'

'I…I can't explain it Jonny' Jac closed her eyes 'it's not something I can easily put into words. It's almost as though I don't have to tell Joseph things, he already knows it, can understand it and can relate to how it feels.' She opened her eyes to look across the room at Jonny 'haven't you ever met someone like that? Someone who just _gets_ you?'

'No' Jonny answered her sadly as he left the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for reading! Please review :-) **

'Well Naylor what can I say? I'm smitten' Michael Spence drawled as he stood in the doorway to Jac's private room 'she's a beautiful girl.'

'Shh' Jac held a finger up to her lips as she indicated to a sleeping Harry with her other hand.

'Sorry' Michael whispered apologetically as he took a seat in the chair beside the bed.

'Did you look at her notes?' She asked him, smiling at his reaction to her little girl.

'I sure did and she's strong, determined and gorgeous just like her mother' he smiled reassuringly at Jac 'she's doing well and you can trust Mr Solis he's the best there is, I wouldn't have recommended him otherwise.'

'If they operate I want you in there with her' Jac asked him, swallowing down her emotions as she spoke.

'_When_ they operate, Jac, you have to say when and not if' he chastised her gently.

'Please Michael?' she pleaded with him, tears building in her eyes.

'Anything you want' he reassured her softly 'I'm your person remember?'

'Actually your one of people' Jac reminded him, 'you share the duty of next of kin with Sacha'

'Hmm, but for how much longer?' Michael teased her 'when will the duty fall to Mr Byrne?'

'Don't start, Joseph is fantasying about me being the third Mrs Byrne already' Jac rolled her eyes at him.

'And that wouldn't make you happy?' Michael queried mischievously

'I just don't see how it would change anything' she shrugged her shoulders 'besides I think we've got enough on our plates' she shifted around slightly as the pain in her abdomen was becoming significantly noticeable once more.

'You're in pain aren't you?' he queried his face full of concern.

'A little' she admitted.

'So a significant amount then' Michael stood up 'I'm paging Mr T to come and take a look at you, I'm not happy with your pallor either'

'Its probably nothing, you'll just be wasting his time'

If it's nothing then it'll only take five minutes of his time' he spoke as he walked towards the door 'do not argue with me today Naylor'

Jac lay her head back against the pillows and closed her eyes. If she were being honest with herself she didn't feel at all well and had been battling in her own head against calling for Mr T in the last hour. Surely the amount of pain she was in couldn't just be down to giving birth? A sudden sharp pain caught her off guard and she lurched forward pressing her hands into the most painful area, willing herself not a cry out for fear of waking Harry. This was how Mr T and Michael found her when they entered the room together five minutes later.

'Jesus Naylor!' Michael exclaimed as he rushed to her side as Mr T pressed the emergency call button.

'I retract my previous statement about the pain' she gasped 'it really bloody hurts!'

'Alright, it'll be alright' Michael spoke softly to her as Mr T issued orders to the nursing staff as they rushed into the room ' you've got the best people taking care of you'

'Can you take Harry out for me?' she pleaded with her friend as the little boy started to stir in all the commotion.

Michael rushed around to the other side of the bed and scooped the half asleep child into his arms 'come on buddy, let's get you somewhere a bit quieter' he spoke softly as he started to walk out of the room half watching Mr T as he performed an ultrasound scan on a Jac who was now in excruciating pain.

'Mum?' Harry called out a bit confused in his state of half sleep. He became fully awake as Michael stepped out of the door. 'Jac!' he shouted confused and terrified by what was happening. 'Let me go!' He commanded Michael beating his small fists against his shoulder 'what's happening to Jac?'

'Calm down buddy' Michael spoke softly as he walked out into the corridor and closed the door on the scene occurring in room.

'Who are you?' Harry spoke with his bottom lip trembling as Michael set him on his feet on the floor.

'I'm Michael, I'm a friend of Jac's' Michael spoke as calmly as he could as he took out his phone with a trembling hand to dial Sacha Levy's number. 'Its ok you can trust me, I'm a doctor just like your Dad'

'Jac said I shouldn't trust people I don't know, even if they say they're a doctor' Harry used the back of his hand to wipe away tears that were falling thick and fast down his cheeks

'In general I agree with that advice, its good advice to follow' Michael spoke, silently cursing Jac for being a diligent parent, as he waited for Sacha to answer his phone 'but this is an emergency so I just need you to be a good kid and trust me when I say you're safe with me. Can you do that for me buddy?' Michael watched as Harry solemnly nodded his head. 'Levy get your butt back here pronto, its Jac she needs us... What are you doing at Albie's?... This is serious Sacha!' he now spoke rapidly into the phone relaying details and watching as nurses rushed in and out of the room catching the gist from their professional hurriedness Jac had now lost consciousness. He hung up the phone and slumped his back against the wall muttering the word 'shit' several times under his breath.

'That's a bad word' Harry sniffed through his tears.

'Yes you're right it is a bad word, I'm sorry I shouldn't have used it' Michael spoke to Harry as he slid himself down the wall until he was at the same height level as the child, wondering how long it would take Jac to forgive him for turning Byrne junior foul mouthed. 'Never ever use it yourself ok buddy?'

Harry nodded his head as he wiped his tears with his dressing gown sleeve 'are things really bad Michael?' he asked the grown up in front of him.

'I don't know Harry' he answered the child honestly 'I think Jac is very poorly but those doctors and nurses in there are doing all they can for her.'

'Is she going to die?' Harry asked next

Michael looked deep into the child's terrified blue eyes and found he couldn't answer him. He moved himself back up to standing position desperately trying to think of something helpful to say.

'What's happening?' Sacha asked as he ran up to Michael, bringing with him the unmistakable stench of alcohol.

'I thought you were wetting the baby's head, not drowning it!' Michael wrinkled his nose up at the overpowering stench of Sacha's breath. 'What the hell is wrong with you?' he shoved Sacha hard in chest using his annoyance at Sacha's irresponsibility of becoming inebriated to relieve some of his own tension.

'I thought everything was fine...' Sacha started to defend his behaviour as an unconscious Jac was rushed past them on a trolley.

'Does that look fine to you?!' Michael yelled as he gesticulated wildly in the direction of the fast disappearing trolley.

'She has a ruptured ovarian cyst and a cluster of others which have increased in size. I'm taking her into theatre right away' Mr T spoke sternly 'I suggest as next of kin the pair of you sort yourselves out as there may be difficult decisions to make.' He started to jog away quickly calling over his shoulder 'waiting outside theatre so you can make those decisions promptly might be an idea'.

'Right come on buddy' Michael spoke as he picked the child back up into his arms and started to follow after Sacha in the direction of Mr T.

'Michael? Do you think you could call my daddy now please?' Harry asked as griped hard onto Michael's shoulder as the man carrying him walked at speed.

Michael cursed inside his head as he pulled his phone out his pocket once more to phone Darwin to locate the currently blissfully unaware Joseph Byrne.

* * *

Michael had started pacing up and down the corridor outside the theater. Sacha was currently sat on the hard chairs with Harry, talking softly the little boy. A theater nurse suddenly appeared holding out a clipboard. Michael stopped his pacing to take it from her.

'Mr T would like your consent for a laparotomy' the nurse spoke quickly.

'I'm guessing it'll have to be me seeing as Truman Capote over there has rendered himself incapable of making decisions' Michael didn't hesitate to sign the form 'what about the ovary? Will he be able to save it?'

'He didn't say, they're only just about to start' the nurse spoke honestly as she took the clipboard from him 'I can organise some black coffee for your…' the nurse hesitated as she tried to ascertain the relationship between the two men and their connection to her redhead patient and the little boy.

'He's a friend' Michael rolled his eyes 'and yes something to help sober him up would be appreciated'. The nurse smiled as she rushed back through the double doors to hand over the consent.

'Jesus Levy!' Michael breathed deeply as he rubbed his face with his hands 'I feel like I'm out on a limb here, making decisions for Jac I don't wanna make.' He felt the giant arms of Sacha Levy envelope him in one his infamous bear hugs.

'Look Jac asked us because she trusts us to do whatever it takes to keep her alive' Sacha spoke comfortingly 'and you know she'll be fighting, determined and strong as always'

'Sacha please let me go before that theater nurse returns' Michael spoke through gritted teeth 'she already thinks we're a gay couple'. Sacha snorted with laughter as he let Michael go. 'What the hell is wrong with you?' Michael spoke with annoyance as he glared at his friend.

'I'm sorry' Sacha tried to act sensible 'but Jac would find that funny. You know she would.'

'Yeah well I'm starting to think making us a team for her next of kin was a private joke all of her own' Michael continued to glared at a slightly swaying Sacha 'why'd you have to down half a bottle of vodka tonight of all nights?'

'I was celebrating, I was happy' Sacha shrugged his shoulders.

'A bit premature don't you think? Emma's hardly out of woods yet' Michael looked over at Harry who was sat alone on the hard plastic chairs, fiddling anxiously with the belt of his dressing gown.

'You know Harry reminds me of one of the boys out of that book' Sacha lent against the wall for support as he spoke 'you know, the one with the lost boys and captain crook'.

'Its Captain Hook you idiot and I think book you're referring to is Peter Pan' Michael rolled his eyes at him

'He looks so lost, so alone' Sacha spoke sadly.

'As impaired as your decision making may be at least you've managed to reassure the kid I'm not a kidnapper' Michael crossed his arms 'I think Jac may have over done stranger danger'.

'She's a good mum' Sacha attempted to stand up straight without the support of the wall only to slump back against if quickly 'you should see the way Harry is with her at home, following her everywhere and hanging onto her every word'

'Poor kid must be so confused, everything being thrown up in the air' Michael spoke sympathetically as he watched the child.

'He's young enough to take life's changes in his stride' Sacha shrugged 'besides I think he's like his father in that he would follow Jac anywhere'.

'When I picked him up to take him out of room he called out for his mom' Michael confided 'I think he meant Jac, as in he wanted Jac as his mom.'

'Probably' Sacha nodded.

'What if...' Michael didn't finish his sentence as Sacha grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him roughly.

'Don't say it! Don't you ever dare say it!' he hissed at his friend.

'Daddy!' The relieved voice of little Harry called out as he spotted his father running up the corridor. He allowed his father to sweep him up into his arms and hold him tight, his fear of the worse happening to Jac stopping him from his usual protests of being squashed.

'What's happening? I don't understand why this wasn't spotted earlier!' Joseph spoke rapidly his face clearly showing the stress and worry he was under.

'Try to stay calm' Michael found he could suddenly speak professionally and he could view his current responsibility as more of a job now the one person who loved Jac more than life itself was here. He had a duty to get Jac through this and bring her loved ones through it with her as cleanly as possible 'of course they knew about the cysts, it's part of her endometriosis and they've been monitoring them throughout the pregnancy but sometimes these emergencies they just happen.' Michael could see his words were doing little to reassure Joseph 'Mr T is the best there is, he hasn't taken his eye off the ball with Jac for one second. Sacha and I can both vouch for that, I think between us we've spent more time in his office than Jac has'

'She didn't tell me, about the endometriosis' Joseph spoke as he set Harry back down on the seats 'why wouldn't she tell me?' Joseph's voice was strained in anger as he took a seat next to his son.

'I don't know' Michael considered Joseph carefully 'maybe it'd just slipped her mind'

'Slipped her mind?' Joseph laughed humourlessly as he rested his head in his hands 'I know every inch of that woman, every scar, every blemish and imperfection but why wouldn't she let me know this?'

'Maybe she was frightened you wouldn't want her, once you knew' Sacha spoke up from his position leaning against the wall.

'I don't think that's likely' Michael interjected quickly 'this is Jac we're talking about.'

'She's still a girl Michael and she has girly thoughts such as if he knows my fertility is reduced he may not want to stay with me.' Sacha hiccupped loudly.

Michael glared at his ridiculous friend as a porter approached Sacha with a steaming paper cup of black coffee. 'Ignore him he's drunk' the American informed Joseph.

'Jesus Jac you sure can pick them' Joseph laughed aloud softly as tears of stressful sorrow ran down his cheeks.

'I think he may be getting hysterical' Sacha whispered loudly, his hands gripping around the cup the porter had left him with.

'You may be drunk Sacha Levy but you're best friend Jac has ever had, only you can get inside her head and truly understand her' Joseph sniffed as he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. 'So tell me, what do I have to do to get her to understand I want her no matter what? How do I get her to see I love her unconditionally?'

'I don't think there is anything you can do, I think Jac is always waiting for the next person to leave her, she doesn't believe she can have happiness forever should she choose to accept it' Sacha took a sip of the hot liquid in the cup he was holding 'But you, Joseph Byrne, are the key to her happiness so you can chose to stay with her and not let her down'

'Just drink your coffee' Michael rolled his eyes at Sacha before resuming his pacing up and down the corridor.

'Is Jac going to be alright Daddy?' Harrys little voice spoke up as he placed a tiny hand on his fathers hunched up shoulder.

Joseph turned his head sharply in the direction of his son as though suddenly remembering he were there. 'I don't know Harry' he spoke the truth, the same way Michael had done.

'I want to ask Jac if she'll be my Mummy' Harry asked rubbing his eyes tiredly 'that would be ok wouldn't it Daddy?'

Joseph swallowed hard, forcing down the sob that had formed in his throat 'yes, I think she'd like that Harry. I think she'd like that very much.'

The theater door suddenly swung open and the theater nurse reappeared breathlessly speaking 'Mr Thompson would like your agreement to remove the ovary'.

Michael abruptly stopped pacing looked at Sacha, horrified that they had to make such important decisions for their helpless friend. Sacha somberly nodded his head at him, a simple gesture that spoke 'whatever it takes'.

'Is it just the one ovary?' Michael asked.

'What are you hesitating for?' Joseph shouted from his position on the chairs clenching his hands into fists of frustration 'just answer yes for gods sake!'

'Just the one ovary' the nurse confirmed for him 'the other is still healthy'

'Then tell him to do whatever is necessary' Michael nodded his consent to the nurse, watching as she spun on her heal and ran back into the operating theater.

'What does it matter if it was one or both or a whole hysterectomy?' Joseph breathed heavily 'she'd choose her life, a good healthy quality of life over fertility.'

'She chose Michael as her next of kin because she knew he'd be rational and precise when it came to decision making' Sacha stood up for his friend 'she knows I wouldn't have the guts to pull the plug on her if it needed to be done.'

'Gee thanks Sacha' Michael hissed.

'You know, I may be more than a little a drunk' Sacha slid himself down the wall until he was sat on the floor.

'I asked her to marry me' Joseph spoke softly now, aware his anger and stress wasn't helping Harry. 'She joked about it, said it was too soon.'

Michael stopped his pacing and lent against the wall 'want do you want Joseph? Most in the world, what do you want?'

'To be with her. I want to wake up beside her every day. I want to raise our son and daughter together, to watch them grow up and become who they're meant to be. I want call her my wife. I want to dance with her on every one of her birthdays. I want to tell her every day I love her.'

'Then fight for it, tell her what you want and don't give up until she agrees to it' Michael smiled softly at Joseph 'you gotta take the chances when they come in this world, believe me.'


	10. Chapter 10

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'You know what I'm slightly insulted that she has us down as next of kin but the first person she asks for when she comes round is Joseph' Sacha broke into the companionable silence between himself, Michael and a sleeping Harry Byrne.

'It's how it should be' Michael answered him quietly, trying not to wake the child sleeping contently against his shoulder. 'Who'd have thought he'd come back huh?' he gave a wry smile.

'Let's just hope he doesn't leave her again' Sacha crossed his arms 'she cried proper tears last time, I actually witnessed them'

'He knows what he has and he's tried being apart from her, knows it doesn't work' Michael stifled a yawn. 'Besides I don't think the kid here will let them separate.'

'True enough' Sacha nodded. 'I can't wait to see Lady Byrne's reaction when she finds out Joseph's back working in Holby and moved in with Jac' he chuckled.

'You mean she doesn't know?' Michael queried.

'According to Jac Joseph and his mother had a terrific row and they haven't spoken since.'

'Well there's still a lot of contacts of hers still working here I'm sure it won't take long for her to be informed.' Michael lapsed into silence until his curiosity got the better of him 'what did Joseph and his mother fall out over?'

'Apparently Joseph had kept photographs of Jac and his mother found them'

'Urgh' Michael pulled a face.

'Not _that_ _sort_ of photographs' Sacha shook his head 'get your mind out of the gutter, just ones of when they first dated and one of her with Harry. Jac was a bit freaked out herself when she found out he'd kept them.' Sacha yawned as he looked at his watch to see it was twelve thirty in the morning 'I can't believe it was only yesterday morning I had that conversation with her.'

'A lot has happened in the last twenty four hours' Michael agreed as the door to Jac's room opened and a relieved and smiling Joseph Byrne stepped out.

'She's asking to see you Michael' Joseph smiled at the two men, grateful they had one again proven to be such faithful friends.

'Just Michael?' Sacha's face fell with slight disappointment as he watched Michael transferring the sleeping child into Joseph's arms.

'Sorry Sacha, she only wanted to see Michael' Joseph looked at his Jewish friend in sympathy 'she wouldn't say why. I'm going to pop up to Darwin, I said I'd keep them informed, and then I need to work out what to do with Harry here.'

'Put him down in the Darwin on call room for a bit' Michael suggested 'I'm sure they won't mind'

Joseph nodded as he considered the suggestion 'you'll call me, if she needs me?' he asked watching as the two men nodded before he walked away, carefully carrying his sleeping son.

'Well I'd better see what she wants' Michael smiled awkwardly at Sacha before turning away to enter the private room. He gently pushed open the door and closed it quietly behind him. He could see from where he was standing she was sleeping, the bed appearing to swamp her skinny frame and the white sheets accentuating her paleness. He was pleased to see she was no longer in pain, the pain killers and antibiotics being drip fed into her being able to work effectively now the cause had been removed. He quietly walked to the chair and as he lowered himself into it her eyes fluttered open. 'Hey' he smiled at her 'am I glad to see you looking better'

'Michael' she smiled tiredly before closing her eyes once more. He settled himself comfortably in the chair thinking back to the last time he had sat next to her hospital bed whilst she slept, a little over four years ago. 'I wanted to say thank you, for being my person' her softly spoken words cut into his thoughts.

'Hey what else am I good for?' Michael jokingly waved aside her thanks before adding seriously 'I'm sorry they had to remove your ovary'.

'It doesn't...' She swallowed hard forcing herself to be brave 'Joseph says it doesn't matter.'

'He's right, we just need to concentrate on getting you well so you can be mom to Emma' he tried to put as much positivity into his words as his tiredness would allow him.

'And to Harry' Michael could see a soft smile on her lips as she spoke these words. 'Joseph said Harry wants me to be his mother'

'Yeah, and Harry too' Michael returned her soft smile pleased for her 'you just concentrate on those two beautiful kids of yours'

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes before Jac broke into it 'I think Joseph's angry with me, for not telling him about the endometriosis. He said he wasn't but I can always tell.'

'It was a bit of a shock for the poor guy, I'll be honest with you Jac' Michael watched her face as she fought back tears 'he's more frustrated that you didn't trust him enough to tell him'

'I do trust him' Jacs voice cracked slightly with emotion 'I just thought it would be too much what with Emma as well. It felt as though I was asking, expecting, too much.'

'He loves you'

'I know'

'You can be an ass sometimes Jac, you know that don't you?'

'You remind me often enough.'

'What do you want Jac?' he considered her for a moment 'don't answer with your head, answer with your heart. What do you really want out of life?'

Jac lay with her eyes closed for a while before answering 'I want to take my daughter home, to a proper home, with Joseph and Harry. I want to just spend my life with them.'

'That sounds good doesn't it?' Michael smiled at her 'and you know what the best bit is?'

'I'm sure you're about to tell me' she rolled her eyes at him.

'It's the same thing Joseph wants so it's yours for the taking. The next time he asks you to marry him, answer yes will you?'

'I'll be sure to consider your opinion on the matter, should he be insane enough to ask again.'

'You don't get too many people in this life you can just _be _with, if you know what I mean.' Michael decided to empathise his point.

'I know that Michael, why do you think I was so upset the last time he left?' she rolled her eyes at him again.

'Right so make sure you don't let him go. Hold onto him, don't push him away. Let him in on whatever crazy little thoughts…'

'Michael?' Jac interrupted his train of thought as loudly as she could.

'Yeah?'

'Shut up' Jac closed her eyes again as they lapsed into a peaceful silence once more.

Michael fiddled with his hands for a while before bravely broaching the subject of Sacha. 'Why don't you want to see Levy? Not that the answer really matters because he's as drunk as a skunk at the moment'

'Because I'm mad at him.' Jac didn't bother to open her eyes as she spoke to him 'and I'm not surprised he's drunk, it's a Jewish thing; someone has a baby you shorten your own life span by smoking a cigar and drinking your own body weight in alcohol.'

'What'd he do?'

'He told Jonny about my mother, although not the whole story because otherwise I'd be livid and not just mad' She opened her eyes to look at Michael 'I just don't want to see him until I'm not mad at him, else he'll just irritate me.'

'Oh ok' Michael looked a bit bemused. Jac closed her eyes as they lapsed into silence again, only for it to be broken once more by Michaels questioning 'so how come you didn't tell Jonny about your mother?'

'Why would I?' Jac sighed 'maternal abandonment never really came up in conversation when we were together.'

'Didn't he ever wonder why you've got a massive scar and only one kidney?' Michael pressed on taking full advantage of the fact Jac couldn't walk away from his questioning.

'He asked me where I got the scar from; I told him you'd done it so I guess he just assumed it was a botched appendectomy because he never asked again.'

'Hey! No need to drag my name though the mud, besides it's partly your stubborn fault it ended up so messy.'

'He also asked why I've got scars on my ribs, I told him Elliot was responsible for those and he never questioned that either. Jonny Maconie is just not a man for details.'

'Maybe it was your delightful way of being cagey about the details, you know it might have put him off digging a little…' Michael let his voice trial off as Jac sighed dramatically to show her annoyance.

'You may find this hard to believe Michael but it isn't fun revealing dirty secrets from your past, especially when the person you're telling them too has no real idea of how it felt.'

'None of it was your fault Jac' Michael spoke softly to her.

'See? That's just the sort of useless thing someone who has no idea feels the need to say. So it's just easier not to talk about it' Jac sighed.

'Sorry' Michael mumbled.

'It's not your fault either' Jac mumbled sleepily as she closed her eyes. 'At least Joseph gets it.'

'I'll leave you to get some rest' Michael offered as he stood up from the chair.

'No don't go' Jac spoke sleepily 'stay with me please?'

'Sure' Michael smiled as he sat back down.

'I don't want to be on my own'

'It's ok, I'm not going anywhere. Although we really must stop doing this, the nurse's will start to talk.'

'Hmmm' Jac mumbled starting to let sleep overcome her. 'Did Joseph really tell you he wants to spend his life with me?'

'He sure did, he said he loves you, he wants to raise Harry and Emma with you and he wants to marry you.' Michael lowered the tone of his voice as he watched Jac slip into a slumber. 'You are one lucky girl Naylor, hundreds of women out there would kill for the devotion of Mr Joseph Byrne. Although none of them deserve him more than you do.'


	11. Chapter 11

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Jac Naylor opened her eyes slowly. She had no idea what time it was but she could tell it was still dark outside; the room she had been sleeping in was only bathed in the soft glow of the bedside lamp. As her eyes focused she could see the small figure of Harry Byrne asleep on the sofa across the room swaddled in blankets. She turned her head to the right to see Michael Spence had been replaced by Joseph Byrne. She smiled to herself as she took in his crumpled appearance, grateful he hadn't crumbled after all she had put him through yesterday.

His light blue eyes opened and he smiled seeing her awake. 'Hi' he spoke softly.

'Hi' she smiled back 'what time is it?'

Joseph yawned softly as he looked at his watch 'it's just gone five'.

'You should have taken Harry home Joseph' she scolded him softly.

'A night on a sofa won't do him any harm, besides he was insistent he wanted to see you, to make sure you were ok.' Joseph reached across and took Jac's hand in his 'he loves you'.

'What was Harry like with Jennifer, I mean…' she screwed her eyes up whist she tried think of the words for what she was trying ask.

'You mean was Jennifer maternal with him, did Harry also consider her like a mother?' Joseph managed to voice it for her. He watched as she nodded. 'I would more say they were friends, Jennifer was good with him and they got on well enough but it wasn't like it is with you. Harry never had that sort of bond with her.' Joseph kissed her hand lightly 'you love Harry, I saw it the moment you held him as an infant and he knows it.' He stood up and lent forward to wipe away the tear that ran down her cheek, whispering 'I love you' before softly kissing her lips.

'I'm sorry' she whispered softly.

'For what?' Joseph lent his forehead against hers.

'For all this' she reached up with her free hand so smooth his soft short dark hair 'for all I've put you through.'

He straightened himself back up so he could look her in the eye 'you couldn't help getting sick Jac' he spoke softly. 'I almost lost you' he took hold of both her hands in his 'I know weddings and marriage isn't your sort of thing but can we just agree that we want to spend the rest of our lives together? Just us two, against the rest of the world' he laughed softly as he added 'with Harry and Emma of course.'

'Sure' Jac laughed tenderly causing Josephs face to break into a grin. He let her hands go and hurried over to his Jacket he had slung over the back of the chair. He pulled out a black velvet ring box and rushed back to her side. 'My maternal grandmother gave me this ring just before she died, she told me to give it to the prettiest girl who stole my heart' he opened the box the reveal a generous sapphire ring surrounded by small diamonds.

'Joseph' Jac gasped softly.

'I always intended this ring for you' he spoke seriously 'when we first dated I used to carry this around in my pocket, just in case I'd find the courage to give it to the most beautiful woman to have ever captured my heart' he smiled softly 'I kept it all these years just for you.' He took the ring out of the box and picked up her left hand 'I want you to wear it, not as an engagement ring, but as my promise to you I'll never leave you' he slid the ring onto her fourth finger, smiling at the complete look of shock on her face. She stared intently at the ring for a moment.

'Ask me to marry you Joseph' she spoke softly.

'What?' he stuttered, confused.

'Just ask me to marry you' a mischievous smile played at her lips.

'Jac Naylor' Joseph began, smiling back at her 'I Joseph Byrne am insanely in love with you. Would you do me the great honour of allowing me to call you my wife?'

'Yes' she answered him simply and with perfect clarity as she looked him in the eye 'yes I'll marry you.' He laughed softly before stooping quickly to kiss her. 'Ouch' she winced as they broke apart, her hand flying to her abdomen.

'Sorry, I forgot' he his face dropped into a look of concern 'are you ok?'

'Its nothing, you just knocked my stitches that's all' she laughed at him. 'I love you' she whispered unable to hide her smile as he leaned in, slower this time, for another kiss. 'Can you do me a favour?' she asked as they broke apart.

'Anything' Joseph smiled at her.

'Can you check on Emma for me? I haven't had an update on her since I first came round from the anaesthetic.'

'Sure' Joseph kissed her cheek 'I'll go now and be back with an update before you know it'

'Can we keep the news of our engagement between us for now?' she spoke as looked at the ring on her left hand whilst Joseph put on his jacket.

'Absolutely' he smiled at her as he walked back to her taking hold of her left hand once more. He gently pulled the ring off her fourth finger and slid it onto her middle finger. 'There, now no one will know our secret' he kissed her hand gently watching her soft smile. He turned and walked towards the door before turning back to exchange grins with her once more before exiting it through it and walking down the corridor, past a sleeping Michael Spence and a loudly snoring Sacha Levy, his feet most definitely strolling on air.

* * *

Joseph smiled his thanks at the young male nurse for letting him into the NICU. 'Good morning Mr Byrne' he greeted him politely 'I take it you're here to see Emma, how is her Mum doing? I hear she kept Mr T on his toes last night.'

'She's looking better, wonderful in fact' Joseph beamed 'she's a little anxious about Emma, would it be possible for more regular updates to be sent up to Holby Care for her? Just until she's able to get down here to see her daughter herself?'

'Absolutely' the young nurse nodded, professional concern etched across his face 'I'm sorry it's just we assumed Emma's father would have kept you informed' he walked Joseph over to Emma's cot 'I can assure you Emma is still doing well, no significant changes in condition.'

'Where is Jonny?' Joseph questioned aloud 'he promised Jac he wouldn't leave Emma on her own.'

'Apologises that is my fault, I bullied him into getting some sleep in our on call room about an hour ago, I wasn't aware Mum was so anxious' he smiled apologetically as he began to take Emma's obs 'I can assure you she hasn't been lonely though, she's the little star of the unit aren't you Emma?' He addressed the sedated infant 'all the staff stop for a chat don't we?' he finished writing in Emma's file and then picked up a small note book and handed it to Joseph 'we do this for all mum's who can't get here to see their babies. It's just a little diary we add to each time we see Emma, how's she's doing, any little quirks we've noticed her developing, that sort of thing. Why don't you take this back to Ms Naylor? I'll even take a polaroid to go with it if you'd like.'

'Yes thank you' Joseph smiled as he flicked through the book 'she'd appreciate that'

'I'll go and get the camera' the nurse spoke kindly as he walked away.

'Well hello Baby' Joseph spoke softly as he looked down at Emma. He put his hand into the cot and touched her tiny foot with his fingers. 'Mummy is very sorry she can't come to see you, I'm afraid she gave us all quite a fright last night. But she's ok now because she is so much like you, a fighter.' He gently stroked her soft cheek as he spoke to her 'now you must do all you can to get strong and well for your mummy, just like she's doing for you. She loves you more than words can say and bringing you home will make her so happy.' Joseph smiled at the sedated baby before deciding to divulge his secret. 'Now you mustn't tell anyone but your mummy has made me the happiest man alive, she's agreed to marry me.' He chuckled a little to himself, revelling in his own joy.

'Congratulations Mr Byrne' the young smiling male nurse was back, camera in hand.

'Oh I...well thank you' Joseph stuttered flustered he'd been overheard 'we were hoping to keep it to ourselves for the moment...' He let his voice trail off.

'Say no more!' the nurse grinned at him 'mums the word' as he took the photographs of baby Emma Naylor he wondered just how much breakfast this titbit of knowledge would buy him at the post night shift meet up in the canteen.

'You must find our situation strange' Joseph spoke hesitantly 'Jac and I were together before, years ago, and now we've found each other again...'

'You don't need to explain to me Mr Byrne, I see all sorts of different family set ups' the nurse spoke kindly as he waited for the photographs to develop. 'The way I see it Emma is a lucky girl to have so many people who love her and care for her and mum and dad seem to be amiable' he smiled as handed the polaroid's to Joseph 'why don't you get these up to your fiancée, help ease her anxiety a bit.'

'Thank you' Joseph smiled gratefully before saying a quick goodbye to Emma and heading back to his son and wife to be.

* * *

Joseph smiled as he watched through the open doorway to Jac's room Harry sitting on the end of Jac's bed talking with Colette Sheward. The director of nursing smiled at Joseph as she realised he was watching from the doorway. Jac turned her head in the direction Colette was looking and her face lit up as she smiled at Joseph.

'Hi' Joseph greeted them as he stepped into the room and headed to Jac's side, taking hold of her hand.

'Good morning Joseph' Colette smiled as her heart warmed witnessing the easy love that flowed between the couple for herself 'I've just been telling Jac and Harry Bonnie Wallace will not be returning to this hospital. She claim's it was a simple misunderstanding but if I can't trust a nurse I don't want her on my wards'

'Thank you, that's reassuring to hear' Joseph smiled appreciatively as Harry interrupted him excitedly

'Dad, Mummy says I don't have to go to school today!' Harry grinned looking extremely tired but exceptionally happy.

'Really?' Joseph raised his eyebrow at Jac although he was smiling at the ease at which Harry now referred to Jac as his mother and her acceptance of it.

'Its been a long and strange twenty four hours Joseph' Jac rolled her eyes at him 'you can hardly expect an exhausted four year old to last all day at preschool'

'You know I could call the nursery for you, see if they could squeeze Harry in for a couple of hours today?' Colette offered helpfully.

'Would that be the nursery pretty much all the staff use and has recently been awarded outstanding by Ofsted?' Jac spoke in a mock innocent voice whilst giving Joseph a meaningful look, knowing he knew her disapproval of demanding pre-schooling.

'One of nurses on NICU gave me this to give to you' Joseph smiled sweetly as he handed Jac the photographs of her baby, neatly side stepping an argument. 'She's still doing well' Joseph planted a soft kiss on her cheek as she took the photographs from him becoming instantly absorbed.

'Are those pictures of Emma?' Colette inquired politely. Jac nodded as she held out one off the photographs to her. 'She's beautiful Jac, congratulations. Isn't your little sister gorgeous Harry?' Colette cooed as she showed Harry the picture.

Jac and Joseph both watched Harry intently as he studied the photograph 'She's ok I guess' Harry shrugged his shoulders noncommittal 'why is she covered in all those wires?'

'Remember we spoke about how the baby was poorly?' Joseph spoke carefully to his son watching as the little boy nodded 'well all those wires and tubes are helping her to breathe and to let the doctors know how she's doing.'

'Will she always be poorly?' Harry asked as he peered again at the photograph

Joseph looked down at Jac to see her intently biting her bottom lip trying desperately not to cry. The sight of her so vulnerable and uncertain brought a lump to his own throat. There was a moment's silence before Colette answered 'it's a wait and see thing Harry, hopefully Emma will have an operation and then she'll be as right as rain. Now how do you like the sound of going to play at nursery today?' she sought to distract the child as she handed the photographs to Jac who smiled gratefully as she took them back.

'Do they make you learn French?' Harry inquired.

'I don't think so Harry' Colette smiled at the child.

'What about Latin?' Harry asked next.

'Er I really hope not Harry' Colette looked down at the child bemusedly.

'Good because I really dislike both of those' Harry pulled a disgusted face which earnt Joseph another I told you so look from Jac.

'Ok so his new preschool may be a bit intense' Joseph sighed dejectedly 'I'll look into some other's'

'He was happy at his playschool in Cornwall and there's a perfectly good one on site right here I don't see why you have to start schooling him so early...' Jac let her sentence trail off as she caught the unamused look on Joseph's face.

'Maybe this is a conversation for another time' Colette spoke softly but firmly 'does Harry have a change of clothes?' she indicated to the fact the little boy was dressed in his pyjama's.

'I gave Elliot an overnight bag for him, it's probably still in the office on Darwin' Joseph rubbed his tried eyes, realising just how exhausted he was to be unable to think practically for his son.

There was a sharp knock on the open door as Mr T entered the room 'Good Morning all' he smiled cheerfully despite the fact he too had had an uncomfortable night sleeping in the on call room. 'I wanted to give Jac a quick check up and remove the catheter.'

'Oh right' Joseph spoke 'I guess I'd better take Harry out to wait in the hall'

Colette just managed to catch the look of vulnerable loneliness that passed across Jac's face before it was replaced by a mask of capability. 'Why don't I watch Harry for you?' she offered quickly 'I'll take him for some breakfast, that way you can stay with Jac.'

Joseph felt Jac quickly grasp his hand, telling him she needed him here. 'Thank you, that is very kind of you' he gently pulled his hand out of Jac's before helping Harry down of the bed and finding his dressing gown and slippers for him.

'Thank you Colette' Jac smiled gratefully.

'It's not a bother' Colette waved aside her thanks 'Harry's a sweet boy'

'Could you do me one other favour?' Jac asked shyly 'could you get Sacha Levy to stop his snoring out there? It's driving me insane.'

'I'll see what I can do' Colette laughed as she took hold of Harry's hand now he was ready to go. Mr T nodded his thanks to her as she left the room, pleased he would be able to speak frankly to Jac and her partner without the child in the room.

'Wait here a moment Harry' Colette asked the child as she shut the door. She fetched a water jug conveniently placed on a food trolley just a few paces up the corridor and walked to the chairs where Sacha Levy was stretched out snoring and still reeking of stale alcohol. Without a word Colette emptied the contents of the jug over Sacha's head.

'What…huh?!...Urgh!?' Sacha exclaimed in shock as the cold water had its desired effect.

'Go and have a shower, get into clean clothes and brush your teeth!' Colette barked at the registrar as Michael Spence burst out laughing having woken up in the commotion from his sleeping spot on the chairs opposite Sacha. 'You're a disgrace!' Colette walked briskly to the nurses station, fetched a wet floor sign and slammed it down on the floor in front of Sacha.

'Oww, my head!' Sacha moaned holding it with his hands.

'I'm sure your partner in crime over there can sort you out with pain relief' Colette snapped unsympathetically as she walked back up to an astonished Harry.

'Hey, his behaviour is nothing to with me' Michael spoke still laughing 'I was nowhere near the pub last night, I was behaving responsibly looking after Naylor'

'Whatever' Colette spoke over her shoulder as she walked away hand in hand with Harry 'just get that mess cleaned up.'

'Well she is something else' Michael spoke admiringly as he watched Colette exit round the corner now talking sweetly with Harry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for reading. Please take a minute to leave a review; I need motivating and inspiring! :-) **

Jonny couldn't help himself listening in on the conversation flowing between the group of night shift nurses as they breakfasted behind him in the canteen. He smiled to himself as remembered what his life as a bank nurse had been like in his twenties. Life had been much simpler back then. He had managed a whole hour of undisturbed sleep in the on call room and was fortifying himself with coffee for the day ahead. He flicked through the photographs of Emma on his phone, deciding which ones he should show to Jac now she was well enough for visitors again. It was the sound of her name which brought his attention back to the gossiping nurses.

'Apparently little Harry came up with idea all by himself, actually wants her to be his mother' a genteel non-descript female voice spoke.

'Really? She always seemed so cold, hard to imagine her being maternal at all' a Devonshire accented female voiced her thoughts.

'It turns out she's nice to children and Harry is already calling her mummy' the first female confirmed for the group 'their relationship is quite sweet to watch really, he hangs off her every word.'

'Is Ms Naylor wearing a ring at all?' A male voice Jonny recognized from NICU inquired.

'Yes!' the female nurse was now eagerly interested 'a gorgeous blue sapphire and diamond ring on her middle finger, although one can't help but think it's intended for her ring finger.'

'Well I believe that's where it was originally placed' the male nurse imparted his knowledge casually 'I overheard Mr Byrne telling baby Emma Ms Naylor had made him the happiest man on the planet. Although they are trying to keep it discreet.'

Jonny froze in shock, she was committing to marrying _him_. Throughout their relationship Jonny had failed to get her to commit to living with him, let alone the idea of spending the rest of her life with him. Jonny breathed deeply trying to control his jealous fury. She'd loved him once, he knew she had and perhaps she even still did. Why else would she have continued with the pregnancy, continued to grow and give birth to his child? Now Joseph Byrne had strolled in and casually taken what should have been his; a beautiful wife and family. Jonny resolved to sit until his anger had passed.

'You know I think its nice Ms Naylor has the chance to be happy, I've always felt a sadness around her' an Irish voice now added her input. 'Mr Byrne is perfect for her too; money, career, handsome...'the speaker sighed as she let her voice trail off.

'It's the way he treats her that's so romantic' the original speaker spoke up again 'like a princess. And she, well, you can tell she only has eyes for him, only wants him. Its mutual adoration'

Amid the sighs and giggles coming from the table behind him Jonny pushed himself to his feet and strode purposefully in the direction of Holby Care

* * *

Joseph sat in the chair next to Jac's bed holding her hand whilst she slept. The conversation with Mr T had been difficult as he debriefed them on last night's emergency filling in the gaps they had missed. The fact of her even further reduced fertility and her realisation her breast milk would now be unusable to Emma due to the medication she'd been pumped full of had rendered Jac into a rather negative mood. When informed she may be able to visit Emma later that day Jac had remained impassive, muttering how futile her role as a mother now was.

He watched her sad face as she slept, grateful it appeared to be dreamless for her, and wondered what he could do for her. At least she now appeared to believe him when he said he wouldn't leave her, her wanting to marry him had confirmed this for him. She hadn't wanted to let go of his hand, unwilling to be left alone. She'd become almost tearful when he had suggested he might get himself showered and changed before Colette returned with Harry and thus Joseph had remained, clutching at her hand unable to leave her lest she would have to battle the demons in her head alone.

There was a soft knock at the door and a timid nurse carefully entered the room 'Mr Byrne? Your mother is here to see you.'

Joseph turned to face the young woman as she spoke 'my mother?' he questioned in a whisper 'are you sure?'

The nurse nodded her head and then added 'she seems somewhat anxious to talk with you' she hesitated before continuing 'if it's not too impertinent of me to say, she was also rather impolite when referring to Ms Naylor.'

Joseph shook his head angrily as he carefully let go of Jac's hand, watching her to ensure she hadn't stirred from her sleep before standing to leave the room. 'Please, lead the way' Joseph spoke politely to the nurse, following her out into the hall where his mother stood waiting for him.

'Hello mother, you look well' Joseph crossed his arms defensively as he greeted the disapproving woman. He watched her as she looked him up and down, carefully removing her leather gloves and unbuttoning her wool winter coat, unneeded in the heated hospital. She was just as had been three years ago, petite, fair haired and with an aurora of superiority which irked Joseph relentlessly.

'You look like you've been to hell and back' she sniffed disapprovingly 'hardly surprising; drama seems to follow whenever that redheaded whore involves herself with you.'

'Don't call Jac that' to Josephs own surprise her words had less effect on him now than they used to allowing him keep his voice calm and even 'I'd like you to leave, you're not welcome here.'

'You're forgetting what she did to our family Joseph, I think whore is entirely appropriate'

'I remember, but I choose to forgive. After all she opened my own eyes as to just how dysfunctional our family was all neatly hidden by money and good manners.' Joseph was still surprised at his own calmness 'now will you leave of you own accord or will I have to ask for you to be removed?'

'I'm not going anywhere until I've had chance to meet my granddaughter' Lady Byrne gave another disapproving sniff 'she may have a foster care urchin for a mother but the poor thing is still a Byrne'

'Well as disappointed as you may be Emma is not a Byrne' Joseph was starting to become irritated.

'So you impregnated yet another unsuitable woman and you let her dictate to you that your own child will not have your name?' Lady Byrne tossed her head, unable to control her anger any longer 'to say you are a disappointment is an understatement…'

Joseph stood with his arms still cross letting his mother continue her rant, knowing he would be unable to get a word in edge ways anyway, and feeling for the first time just how pathetic his mother really was. This was the scene Jonny Maconie barrelled into, deaf to the ranting's of Lady Byrne by the anger pounding in his own ears, he marched up to Joseph and punched him squarely on the jaw splitting the man's bottom lip. Joseph reeled backwards, his hands flying to his mouth instinctively.

'That's for stealing away everything I had' Jonny panted cradling his now bruised fist 'what possible reason could you have to want to marry her?'

'Who on earth are you?' Lady Byrne addressed Jonny as though he were something she had inconveniently stepped in.

'Mother, meet Jonny Maconie the father of Jac's daughter' Joseph spoke reasonably as he spat out blood from his mouth 'and in answer to your question Jonny, because I love her and it would appear she loves me'. He turned to face his mother before shouting for her benefit 'I ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE THE BEAUTIFUL JAC NAYLOR!'

* * *

Jac awoke with a start in the private room. She thought she'd just heard someone shouting they loved her. She sat herself up slowly, listening intently. There was definitely something going on outside her room and she deduced from the raised voices it wasn't something good. She carefully and expertly detached herself from her IV lines and taking a deep breath she swung her legs so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She let the breath go slowly as the pain she'd just caused herself at the incision site ebbed. Breathing slowly and deeply she gingerly stood up onto her own two feet, supporting herself with her hands pressed on the bed as her head swam from being laid down for so long. Jac waited until the dizziness had subsided before she cautiously took small steps towards the door, not caring she was barefoot and dressed only in a hospital gown. She lightly pressed her hand against her incision site, knowing she probably wasn't doing herself any good but desperate to know what commotion her name was currently causing outside her door.

* * *

'I…I think I need to sit down' Lady Byrne stuttered, taking a seat on the chairs lining the corridor. 'So the baby isn't yours?' she questioned Joseph shakily.

'No' Joseph inexplicitly found himself wanting to laugh as he held his hand up to his bleeding lip.

'How long have you and she been back together?' Lady Byrne sneered as she referred to Jac as 'she'

'Not long, just over a month' Joseph hid a smirk behind his hand.

'So you and she were having an affair?' she watched as Joseph shook his head.

'Jonny had left her on her own so she called me' Joseph willed himself to sensible 'Jac and I have pretty much picked up where we left off'.

Lady Byrne sighed 'well at least the poor wee thing isn't yours; I'll count that as a blessing.'

'Excuse me Missus but just who the hell do you think you are?' Jonny snarled at the woman stood before him.

'Jonny may I introduce my mother?' Joseph voice had started to show signs of his uncontrollable and inappropriate mirth 'Lady Anne-Marie Bryne'.

'I don't care what official titles you have' Jonny growled 'how dare you be disrespectful about Jac like that and, in particular, so foul about my daughter. I'm proud Jac is Emma's mother, I wouldn't want anyone else to be the mother of my children.'

'Oh my dear' Anne-Marie shook her head sadly 'how misguided you are, clearly you have no idea about the enchanting Jacqueline Naylor, or should I say Burrows? I forget Joseph, which surname was it she desperately tried to burry?'

'NOW THAT'S ENOUGH!' Joseph suddenly roared, the ridiculous of the situation suddenly becoming far too personal.

An abrupt silence followed Josephs sudden outburst broken by Michael Spence's brash enquiry of 'what the hell is going on here?' as he and Sacha Levy, both laden with gifts and treats for Jac, entered the spectacle unfolding in Holby Care's corridor.

'That's just what I would like to know' Jac's faint voice spoke up as she leaned against the door frame of her room. Sacha dropped the packages he was carrying and rushed to her side to help support her as her legs started to give way.

'Jac, you're bleeding' he informed her gently as he took her hand away from her incision site where a stain of red was steadily seeping through the cotton fabric of the hospital gown.

'I…I…' Jac looked intently into Sacha's kind eyes before her world became black and her body slumped against his.


	13. Chapter 13

Joseph paced up and down the corridor outside Jac's room waiting for news. After she'd fainted Sacha had easily scooped her limp frame into his arms and carried her into the confines of her room with Michael Spence following close behind muttering 'god damn it Naylor' under his breath. As Joseph made to enter the room his way was barred by the American.

'I don't think so Byrne' he snarled as he shoved Joseph hard in the chest.

'Please, I need to see if she's all right' Joseph peered over Michaels shoulder watching as Sacha carefully laid Jac down on the bed.

'No' Michael shook his head firmly 'not after all this commotion. You wanna help Jac then get rid of your judgemental and tasteless mother.'

'Michael' Sacha's voice had a sense of urgency about it. As Michael turned his head to look at Sacha Joseph was able to see Jac had managed to completely reopen her incision site.

'Hell! Alright apply pressure' Michael called over his shoulder to Sacha who nodded in confirmation, already snapping on gloves. He turned his attention back to Joseph 'You. Are. Not. Helping' he spelt out for him before turning his attention to the nursing staff still stood around uselessly watching the scene unfold. 'You' he pointed to the timid nurse 'page Mr T, and you' he pointed now to mousy looking nurse 'get me a suture kit, I need to close the wound before infection sets in'. He looked further up the hall to see an health care assistant clutching a bundle of notes still staring open mouthed at the drama unfolding in front of her 'you, what's your name, Ms Effanga's sister' Michael addressed the tall black woman.

'My names Adele' she replied to his rudeness with curt distaste.

'Whatever' Michael continued with his rapid instructing 'I need you to find Mr Guy Self, send him up here and tell him he needs his peacekeeping skills' at this Michael spun on his heel to give Jac his full attention shutting the door in Joseph's face.

Since then Joseph had heard or seen nothing, despite his attempt to enter the room when a furious Mr T had arrived. He glared at his mother who was still seated and at Jonny who stood lent against the wall still cradling his hand.

* * *

'Mo! you'll never guess what just went down on Holby Care!' Adele Effanga addressed her elder sibling. 'Some posh old bird is having a barney with Mr Byrne, Jonny's punched Mr Byrne in the face and Ms Naylor has burst her stitches; blood everywhere!'

'Whoa slow down!' Mo halted her sister 'when did this happen?'

'Just now, I need to find Mr Self some rude American dude wants him up there as some kind of peace keeper'

'That would be Mr Spence, Adele' the calm voice of Mr Guy Self spoke from behind the two sisters. As one they turned to face him. 'Now Holby Care wasn't it?' he asked Adele pleasantly, smiling as she nodded her confirmation 'I'd better get my old battle axe then hadn't I?' he lowered his tone as he winked at the two woman before calling across the nurses station for Colette to join him.

'Right, now slowly this time, start from the beginning, what exactly happened on Holby Care?' Mo asked Adele full of concern for the welfare of both Jonny and Jac.

* * *

'Stop looking at me like that Joseph, I didn't personally force the whore to burst her stiches' Lady Byrne sniffed.

'DO NOT CALL HER THAT!' Joseph yelled, his rage now nowhere near being controllable.

'She slept with my husband, your father, whilst she was still bedding you, what else would you expect me call her?' Anne-Marie spoke with rationality in her voice.

Joseph took a few deep breaths to steady himself before answering her 'Jac is no angel, she'll tell you that herself but she was young and he, a man of considerable influence, propositioned her not the other way around. Don't you think that says more about what sort of man my father was? Making a mistress out of his son's girlfriend?'

'All men are slaves to what goes on in their trousers, clouds every judgement they ever make' she shook her head with pity at the two men as she spoke 'look at the pair of you, driven to fighting and brawling over that whore, completely taken over by her beauty and unable to see her for what she truly is.'

Jonny merely glared at her, not trusting himself to speak as Joseph resumed his pacing, thinking rapidly. He suddenly stopped and turned to face her. 'You got hold of her files haven't you? Her social services file and her paediatric records?'

'It wasn't difficult, not with my contacts' she shrugged her shoulders but did not meet Josephs gaze. 'You won't let her near Harry will you Joseph? I dread to think what might happen, should he be left on his on with her'

'YOU HEARTLESS COW!' Joseph yelled again, stooping over her now placing his hands on his mother's shoulders. 'Look at me! Look me in the eye!' he commanded her, waiting until she had obeyed 'you read the contents of those files and yet still you have no compassion for her? Did nothing she has faced give you any reason for why she is as she is and why she let a man of seniority take advantage of her once more?' Joseph paused to take a breath 'My father, your husband, was no different than that rapist, only he acted within the law conned her into consenting but still, and this is the important point mother, gaining a sick sense of pleasurable power over her.' A sob caught in Joseph's throat and he let his mother go, turning away from her. 'What truly impresses me though mother' Joseph spoke to the wall, his voice tight with emotion 'in spite of all she has faced, the abandonments, the barbaric cruelty of the care homes and the rape, Jac is still capable of love. She loves me. I didn't even know what love was or how powerful it can be until I met her. Harry adores her, and I would trust her with him because she loves him as though he were her own. As for Emma, my god you should see the way she looks at Emma. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.' He turned back around to face his mother 'but you' he looked at her with such distaste 'you married for grandeur instead of love and couldn't even love your own children. So how dare you judge her.'

'I think that's quite enough now Joseph' the calm voice of Mr Self broke into the silence that followed Josephs last words. 'Jonny perhaps you should return to Emma? I'm sure Jac will want an update on her progress just as soon as she's regained consciousness.'

Jonny nodded, unable to speak after all he'd heard. His face was deathly pale.

'Do you need someone to look at your hand?' Colette offered kindly.

Jonny shook his head this time, staring intently at Joseph.

'I'm sorry Jonny' Joseph spoke sadly 'I'm sorry you had to find out this way.'

Jonny swallowed hard considering the strangeness of Josephs contrition. 'How did you find this out? Did she tell you herself or did you go digging for it?'

'A bit of both' Joseph decided to be honest 'I found out about her being care after a bit of investigating. The rest she has told me herself over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if there's more she hasn't told me.'

'It makes a little bit of sense now, the nightmares, the need for her to control everything, for everything to be at her pace….' Jonny took a deep breath 'I'm sorry, I think I'm going throw up' he quickly dashed off in the direction of the toilets.

'I'll just go and make sure he's alright' Colette informed Guy 'I left Harry on Darwin Joseph, he seems quite happy being fussed over up there.' Joseph nodded his thanks before she left in the same direction as Jonny.

'Now Lady Byrne, whilst it's a pleasure to meet you I do believe your presence is causing somewhat of a stir' Mr Self now politely addressed Joseph's mother 'perhaps it would be best for you to leave and sort out your family affairs at a later date?' he watched as Lady Byrne got shakily to her feet 'this nice young man will walk you out' Guy indicated to security guard waiting patiently to escort the cause of all the commotion from the premises.

As she stood she placed a hand on Josephs arm 'I do love you Joseph' she spoke softly.

'That wasn't love, it was control and competiveness to insist I be the best' Joseph spoke bitterly as he wrenched his arm away from his mothers touch. 'Don't contact me again' he refused to watch his mother leave, looking down at the floor instead.

'Joseph, do you think perhaps I could clean that lip up for you?' Guy spoke softly now to Joseph leading him over the chairs for him to sit down. 'I'll just fetch some supplies'. He was back in no time at all, wiping away the dried blood off the lip of the devastated man sat next to him. 'Well that's not so bad' Guy smiled kindly at Joseph 'although I'm sure it will still take some explaining to Ms Naylor.'

'How much did you hear?' Joseph stood up and wondered over to an alcohol hand rub dispenser, rubbing a generous amount into his hands.

'Enough' Guy watched as Joseph reapplied the sanitiser 'I had no idea Jac had been through so much'

'Don't pity her' Joseph pleaded still rubbing the gel into his hands 'she hates pity'

Guy nodded his head 'although Joseph, you realise this is most likely to be half way around the hospital by now.'

'What have I done?' Joseph swallowed down a sob of regret.

'You defend the woman you love' Guy considered how he could best help the man stood before him.

'She trusted me with those secrets' Joseph sat himself down in the seats opposite Guy 'and I've just shouted them out publicly.'

'I think your mother has more blame on that part than you Joseph' he watched as Joseph continued to rub his hands. 'How long have you had OCD?'

Joseph looked down at his hands in surprise, almost unaware of what he'd been doing 'since my twenties' he spoke quietly 'it's normally under control.'

'It's been a stressful period for you what with the early arrival of Emma, then Jac's complications and now your mother' he smiled warmly at Joseph 'you know Darwin can cope without you for a few days, take some family time.'

'But Elliot...' Joseph began to protest before Guy cut him off

'Is built like an old war horse and I believe Maureen Effanga is more than capable of keeping him under control' Guy patted Joseph on the knee in a fatherly fashion 'I'm going to insist you see psych too, get that old beast back under control.'

'That's no way to talk about my mother' Joseph smiled ruefully at his own joke.

'Jac, Harry and Emma need you in tip top condition Joseph, don't forget that' Guy spoke from experience.

'I know' Joseph nodded. 'We were so happy this morning, I asked her to marry me.'

'I take it she said yes?'

Joseph nodded again 'Be grateful my mother didn't notice her mother's ring on Jac's finger or else we'd never have gotten rid of her'. He smiled apologetically 'my mother doesn't really understand love and the way it consumes you. My grandmother gave that ring and told me to give it to the prettiest girl to steal my heart. I so clearly remember the way she had whispered you can't help who you fall in love with, but when you have fallen you'll know' Joseph looked wistful 'sometimes I think she must have known Jac was meant for me.'

The door to Jac's room suddenly opened and the three men filed out. 'Fortuniately it looked a lot worse than it is. Jac is patched up and stable.' Mr T spoke seriously 'she's on complete bed rest until I say so and that includes no stress or excitement.'

'She's asking for you' Sacha spoke kindly to Joseph seeing how wretched the man looked.

'Can I?' Joseph asked Mr T, taking a few tentative steps towards the door as the man nodded.

'We'll be right outside Byrne' Michael gave Joseph a stern look 'listening in, making sure you don't cause her any additional stress'

'Michael' Sacha spoke firmly, disapproving of his heavy handed approach. 'Joseph had no intention of hurting Jac'.

'Whatever his intentions may have been Naylor still ended up wounded in the crossfire, so if you don't mind I'll be right out here, monitoring the situation' Michael crossed his arms decisively.

Joseph nodded his head at him showing he understood before he entered the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Jac opened her eyes as she heard the soft click of the door. She held her hand out to him as tears began to trickle down her cheeks.

'Don't cry Jac, please don't cry' he willed her as he rushed to her side taking hold of her hand 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' he gently kissed her lips unashamed to let his own tears fall, mingling with hers on their wet faces.

'No' she spoke weakly as they broke apart 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry I've driven such a wedge between you and your mother'

'My mother is responsible for that wedge not you' he wiped away her tears with his fingers 'she started building it when I married Faye and her disappointment in me has grown since then' he smiled as Jac reached up to brush away his tears. 'I love you, that's all that matters' he took hold of the hand she held against his face and kissed it softly. He frowned as Jac carefully moved herself slightly over to the left hand side of the bed. 'What are you doing?!' he spoke with alarm 'your stitches!'

'Are fine' she closed her eyes for a second. 'Just hold me Joseph' she opened her pale green eyes and looked into his blue ones pleadingly 'please just hold me.'

Joseph did as she requested, settling himself down on the bed next her and putting his arm around her. She lent in against him resting her head in the space between his shoulder and neck. 'Did Jonny do that to your lip?' She queried.

'Yes he did, it appears he's found out I proposed.' Joseph picked up her left hand and moved the ring back onto her ring finger. 'Seems a bit pointless to pretend now, don't you think?' he kept hold of her hand in his smiling at the way her face shone with happiness at the thought of their engagement.

'I'm sorry he hurt you' she spoke as he buried her face against his neck.

'It wasn't too painful and for you it was worth it' Joseph laughed softly before Jac awkwardly moved herself to kiss him lightly. 'Although it's rendered kissing a painful experience' he complained as they broke apart.

'That's what you get for brawling in corridors' she teased him as she settled her head against him once more. She relaxed as Joseph began smoothing her long auburn hair. 'Do you think we could go a full twenty four hours without any more drama?'

'Oh I think we could manage it' Joseph kissed the top of her head 'provided you follow the doctors' orders and I don't upset Mr Spence'

'He's taking the big brother act a bit far isn't he?' Jac groaned softly.

'It's ok I don't mind. In fact I'm rather glad you have Sacha and Michael fighting your corner.'

'You know I love you don't you Joseph? You know I'd do anything for you?'

'Of course I do' he kissed her lips softly, not caring about the soreness of his lip. 'But if it's ok with you I'd rather you didn't leap out of bed and burst your stitches for me ever again.'

'Ok' she kissed him back. 'Mr T actually called me stupid and Michael called me an ass, but then he always calls me that.'

'I'll wait for Mr T to calm down and then I'll discuss with him why he shouldn't call my beautiful fiancée stupid' he kissed her again. 'I think it's best if I keep out of Michaels way for a bit so you'll just have to live with his insults I'm afraid.'

'Wuss' Jac laughed affectionately. She looked at him seriously for a moment before whispering 'I love you'

Joseph kissed her again and leaned his forehead against hers. 'I love you, I'll always love you' he whispered back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)**

Colette filled a cup with water from the water cooler before knocking gently on the door to the men's bathroom. 'Are you ok Jonny?' she inquired as she pushed the door open slightly.

'Yeah' Jonny replied shakily 'come in'

Colette pushed the door fully open and stepped into the room to find him leaning against the sink, his face pale. 'Here' she smiled at Jonny as she held out the water to him.

'Thanks' he responded quietly as he took the plastic cup from her with a shaking hand. 'Did you know about any of that?' he questioned her, wondering if her position would have led her to Jac's personnel file.

'No Jonny' Colette shook her head firmly 'I wouldn't have the need to know.'

'She er…' Jonny paused as he fought back another wave of nausea 'she hates to be touched suddenly. I used to tease her about it, I'd sneak up on her wrap my arm around her waist you know? Now I feel like such an idiot'

'You were lovers Jonny, I'm sure she saw it was meant with affection' Colette tried to reassure him.

'It used to startle her and I found it funny' Jonny swirled some of the water around in his mouth and spat it out in the sink, trying to rid his mouth of the taste of vomit. 'There were other signs too like how she dealt with a patient who'd been raped, she picked up on it not me, comforted the girl convinced her to tell her father.' Jonny drank down the last of the water and tossed the empty cup into the waste bin 'and then there's the way she can't stand being in the dark, I teased her about that too. That was until she had a nightmare one night I was with her, she was so afraid she clung to me. I should have guessed it was more to her than just a bad dream but again I didn't take it seriously, I actually laughed about it with Mo' he shook his head at his own stupidity 'I should have known.'

'Jac is difficult to read Jonny' Colette shrugged her shoulders helplessly 'she makes it that way for a reason.'

'No I should have questioned her more. Not let her block me out' he rubbed his tired eyes. 'She doesn't have any family and so few friends and I never questioned why or how. I just let her fob me off with short answers because so long as I ended up in her bed I didn't care enough to find out the details. What kind of a person does that make me?'

'It makes you a man Jonny' Colette smiled reassuringly as she rubbed his shoulder 'I'm sure she knew you loved her, cared for her. If she'd wanted you to know the finer points of her past she would have told you.'

'I still do love her' Jonny mumbled. Colette let silence engulf them as she found herself unable to think of anything helpful to say. Jac was destined to be with Joseph thus poor Jonny's love for the red headed woman was going to remain unrequited.

'Her kidney!' Jonny suddenly exclaimed, straitening himself up. 'She only has one kidney!'

'So?' Colette frowned confused 'what has that got to do with any of this?'

'I need to speak with someone from Keller, not Michael Spence' Jonny was muttering to himself now, walking quickly towards the door 'he won't tell me anything'

'Jonny wait!' Colette called out uselessly as he exited through the door. She groaned as she realised she was going to have to follow him to make sure he didn't get himself into trouble. 'To think I thought today was going to be a quiet one' she muttered under her breath as she opened the door and set off at a jog to catch up with Jonny.

* * *

Jonny reached AAU and looked around for Ric Griffin.

'Jonny is everything ok?' Mary-Claire asked him seeing his agitated state.

'I need to speak with Mr Griffin' Jonny answered her, his voice starting to show an edge of panic.

'Jonny' Colette caught up with him slightly out of breath 'I don't understand what good this is doing you, let's just go and get a coffee and we'll talk it…'

Colette didn't finish her sentence as Jonny pushed past her having spotted Ric coming out of the office.

'What's going on?' Mary-Claire asked Colette in an undertone as she watched Jonny striding up to the consultant with purpose.

'Lord knows, but I don't think it's good' Colette hurried after Jonny, hoping he was planning to keep his tongue civil.

'Mr Griffin, Jac's kidney' Jonny asked Ric breathlessly 'I need you tell me about her kidney'

'Jonny, you know I can't discuss that with you' Ric looked at the man with concern 'what's this all about?'

'Just tell me who she donated it to, that's all I want to know' Jonny clenched his fists in bid to remind himself to keep his temper.

'Jonny, I can't disclose that information, you know that' Ric shook his head at him.

'So she did donate it then?' Jonny breathed out heavily.

'Jonny come on' Colette pleaded with him 'you're not helping yourself here and to be frank I'm a bit confused.'

'you're confused?' Jonny glared at her 'I've just had a child with an complete enigma. Turns out I know nothing at all about Jac Naylor, mainly because she wouldn't tell me' Jonny walked around to the other side of the desk to access the computer.

'Jonny what are you doing now?' Colette asked exasperatedly.

'Well if you won't help me and _she_ most certainly won't help me then I guess I'll have to dig up her patient records won't I?'

'Jonny, you could lose your job for doing that' Ric spoke calmly. 'Why don't you come with me to the office and we'll talk about this in private'

'JUST TELL ME WHO SHE DONATED HER KIDNEY TO!' Jonny suddenly yelled becoming frustrated as his log in for the computer wasn't working.

'Jonny you are causing a scene' Ric spoke softly now 'do you think this is what Jac wants? For her private business to be broadcasted across AAU?' he placed a hand on Jonny's shoulder 'Come on, come with me and we'll talk about it.'

'Why wouldn't she talk with me?' Jonny looked into Ric's eyes, confused, angery and ashamed of himself. 'I just don't understand why.'

'Come on' Ric gently led Jonny by the arm into the confines of the office, allowing Colette to join them before closing the door. 'Sit down Jonny' Ric guided him over to a chair 'you look like a man with the weight of world on his shoulders.

Jonny buried his head in his hands as he began to talk. 'I overheard some things. Joseph and his mother were arguing and I overheard things about Jac I wasn't meant to.' He held his head up to look Ric in the eye 'did you know she was in foster care?'

'Yes' Ric nodded.

'Do you know why?'

'Yes' Ric nodded again.

'Did you know her time there wasn't great?' Jonny asked next

'I guessed it wasn't, she never wanted to talk about it'

'Did you know she was raped?'

'Yes' Ric answered without hesitation 'although I'm not sure she is aware I know, she's never acknowledged it.'

'How can you be so matter of fact?' Jonny glared at him. 'How did you find out?'

'I was her mentor for many years Jonny when she was a GS registrar. There was an…' Ric searched round for the correct word '…incident. One of my ex-wives was involved, Jac told her and so she passed the information onto me'

'Who else knows all this?' Jonny asked now

'Michael, Elliot and probably Sacha' Ric thought for a moment 'In fact I'd say Sacha probably knows more than most.'

'None of you thought to tell me any of this?' Jonny crossed his arms.

'Why?' Ric leaned back in his chair 'surely you can see it is up to Jac who knows this sort of information?'

'Didn't you think I needed some sort of warning?'

'Against what?' Ric snapped now 'with Jac what you see is what you get. She's never pretended to be anything else with you has she?'

'No' Jonny hung his head 'but it might have helped me to understand and to have treated her differently.'

'I wish you'd help me to understand Jonny.' Ric gave him a look considering look 'why do you need to know who Jac gave her kidney to?'

'Because I have a feeling it was her mother and if it was her mother then where is she?'

'In India' the information slipped out before Ric could help himself. 'Jonny let it go, I'm sure Jac would rather forget the whole sorry business. I most certainly wish I could, it never should have gone ahead.'

'Ok' Jonny nodded, seeing some clarity 'so her mother turns up out of blue, convinces Jac to give her a kidney and then disappears again?' Ric just stared at Jonny impassively. 'I'll take the fact you're not denying it as a yes.'

'Jonny, I need you to help me here' Colette broke into the conversation between the two men. 'What difference does any of this make to you? I mean, clearly to hear what Jac has suffered is shocking, but how does it affect you?'

'I…I don't know' Jonny shook his head 'I guess I've just realised for the first time who Jac is. I mean she's incredible.' He thought for a moment 'I didn't realise how hard any of this would be, having a baby, a sick baby at that, with Jac. I thought it'd all work out in the end but now I just don't see how it can work.'

'Of course it can work' Ric smiled encouragingly at Jonny 'all Emma needs to know is her father loves her and her mother loves her. Whatever has gone on between the pair of you is irrelevant now.'

'It's what didn't go on between the pair of us that concerns me most. Why didn't she tell me any of this?' Jonny looked questioningly at Ric who struggled to find an answer for him. 'I think its because she knew I wouldn't be able to cope with it, I wouldn't know how to act with her or what to say to her and she was right. Its too hard, all of it is just too hard.'

'Jonny, there comes a time in life when you have to consider your responsibilities and options' Ric gave him a long hard stare 'if you think life is too hard as you put it then you have two options. Either deal with it or walk away.'

Jonny nodded his head. 'I think I need to spend some time with Emma'

'I think that's wise' Ric nodded to him as the man stood to leave. 'Jonny, I'll just say one more thing to you. You're right Jac is incredible; she hasn't sunk down into a pit of despair instead she has developed coping mechanisms that help her stay afloat. Sometimes she may just be treading water but she has never once given up. I think you could learn something from that.'


	15. Chapter 15

Jac was walking, she felt as though she'd been walking for miles, along an endless corridor. She couldn't find them, she couldn't find Joseph or Harry. She looked down to arms were she was carrying a small bundle containing her daughter. The baby looked as though she was sleeping but Jac knew she wasn't from the blue hue the infants skin was taking. Still she walked searching endlessly for the other half of her family.

'Naylor!' Jac could hear a voice calling her, a voice she recognised. 'Wake up Naylor, you're dreaming.'

'Michael?' Jac called out in her dream state, confused and disorientated 'you have to help me Michael!'

'I am helping you Jac, you just need to wake up and stop dreaming' the American's voice was sounding a little bit bemused. 'That's it, open your eyes' he spoke soothingly as she began to return to realm of consciousness. Her eyelids flickered as she took in the fact it was a dream, just a bad dream.

'Joseph?' she questioned where her fiancée was seeing the face of Michael Spence seated next to her bed.

'He's gone to grab a shower and then to take Harry to nursery' her friend smiled at her 'you've been asleep for hours. You ok?'

Jac shook her head 'I had a horrible dream about Emma.'

'That's a new one huh?' Michael smiled understandingly at her.

'Not really' Jac rubbed her eyes 'they started when I was pregnant, in all of them she doesn't survive.'

'Jezz Naylor.' Michael placed a concerned hand on her arm 'why didn't you say something earlier?'

'They're just dreams' she shrugged her shoulders 'that's all either you or Sacha would've said, they are just dreams.'

'Aw come on we're more supportive than that' he gave her a guilty smile 'you know we care about you, even if we don't always know what to say.'

'I know' Jac smiled gratefully at her friend. 'Have they sent up any updates for my daughter whilst I've been sleeping?'

'Apparently all is well' Michael smiled at her 'the great man himself came up about half an hour ago to say she's still going strong, hanging in there. Already so much like her Mom.'

'I want to see her' Jac spoke softly.

'I know but you have to rest' Michael looked at her sternly 'you could've done yourself some serious damage this morning'

'You don't need to keep reminding Michael, I know I was idiotic'

'Why did you do it? It must have hurt like crazy' Michael winced as he imagined the discomfort she must have been in.

'Because it was Joseph' Jac shrugged her shoulders, unsure whether Michael would understand 'I had to be with Joseph.'

'Yeah but jezz Naylor, you ripped your stitches right open' Michael shook his head.

'I can't explain it really, any of it, other than because it was Joseph' Jac shrugged her shoulders again.

'You and Byrne are the real deal huh?' he smiled at his friend. 'You want to explain about that ring on your left hand to me?'

Jac lifted her left hand so she could see the ring Joseph had placed on her ring finger. 'I think it's pretty self-explanatory, don't you?' she smiled broadly. 'Where's Sacha?' she asked.

'Forgiven him now have you?' Michael grinned as he crossed his arms.

'Of course, I'd forgive Sacha anything' Jac yawned as she became sleepy once more 'after a brief spell of him learning his lesson that is.'

'He's gone home for some clean clothes; you bled all over his shirt.' Michael took hold of her hand and squeezed it lightly 'promise me you won't try a stunt like that again?'

Jac opened her eyes to look into her friends concerned face 'I already said I was sorry, when I came round remember?'

'Hmm' Michael gave a small nod 'I'm still not entirely convinced that wasn't to dissuade Mr T from calling psych.'

'As if you'd let psych get anywhere near me' she squeezed his hand back 'I have no intention of repeating this experience if that will help satisfy you.'

'I guess that'll have to do' Michael let go of her hand and they sat in silence for a while. 'Jac, what do you think about Colette Sheward?' he asked eventually.

Jac smirked to herself as she considered her answer 'I like her and to be frank with you Michael I'm sure she'll be able to resist the Spence charm.'

'Well I like a challenge' Michael retorted.

'I think you'll be evenly matched' Jac yawned again and closed her eyes 'you know, should you want to consider settling down.'

Michael smiled to himself as he settled himself more comfortably in the chair as Jac returned to sleep. He picked up his newspaper and resigned himself to long day of watching over Jac Naylor as she recovered.

* * *

It was late afternoon as Jonny watched from a distance through the open doorway at the happy family scene occurring in Jac Naylor's private room. Joseph Byrne was seated in the arm chair next to her and Harry Byrne was snuggled up next to her on the hospital bed. They were talking and laughing easily together. All that was needed was for a red haired little girl to join them, perhaps seated on Joseph's knee or cuddled into the other side of Jac, to complete the picture. What a happy family portrait it would make Jonny thought bitterly to himself.

He had spent most of morning by Emma's side feeling useless and unnecessary in the poorly infant's life. Mr Solis had spoken kindly to him, trying to convince him talking to Emma was the encouragement she needed, especially now her mother was also ill. Staring pointlessly at the child Jonny had decided whether it was himself or another person who talked to Emma the baby was unlikely to have preference. The only voice she was likely to recognise was her mothers and Jac had appeared far more able to see Emma as her baby daughter than Jonny had been.

He'd managed well, in the first few hours of Emma's life, to hide the fact that he didn't _feel_ like a father, he didn't have a connection with the baby. He had talked to her, sung to her and stroked her soft fragile skin but it had made no difference to him. Joseph had talked about his love for the baby so easily, even though he wasn't her father. Jonny on the hand questioned if what he himself felt for the baby was love or a right of possession. It wasn't what he'd expected to feel. He'd wanted a rush of emotion that was unmistakable as love for his child, his own flesh and blood that he would fight until his last breath for. What he'd experienced was terror, horror and uselessness; none of these were emotions he'd ever heard a new father use to describe the moments they first saw their new-borns. And yet there it was; it was just all too hard. Jonny Maconie felt fear and helplessness instead of love and courage each time he looked at his imperfect baby. Emma didn't need this, she didn't deserve his hesitancy in his role as a father. The baby needed someone strong, capable and who loved her in spite of her condition.

He walked away from Holby care his mind made up. He would leave and return to Scotland. He was a good nurse he could easily find work. This way he would get himself a clean break, a fresh start and Emma would get the uncomplicated family she deserved. He knew he loved his child enough to give her that. He headed towards the Darwin on-call room where he knew Mo would be sleeping as she was currently working double shifts.

'Mo' he murmured her name softly, not wanting to startle her as she woke.

'Jonny?' Mo blinked her eyes a few times as she adjusted to the light of the lamp Jonny had turned on.

'I'm leaving Mo'

'Good idea' Mo yawned 'a bit of sleep in your own bed and some fresh clothes will do you world of good.'

'No Mo, I mean I'm leaving Holby' Jonny sat himself on the end of the bed. 'I can't give Emma the best she deserves, but they can Mo. Jac and Joseph they can give Emma the stable family life she needs.'

'I don't understand' Mo sat herself up slowly. 'You're abandoning Emma?'

'Not abandoning, by leaving I'm giving her the chance of an uncomplicated life with a mother and father and a brother.' Jonny willed Mo to understand him 'Don't you see?'

'I saw you yesterday with that baby Jonny' Mo spoke sternly 'you love her, you were so tender with her. Why'd you want to give her up?'

'It's easy to cluck and coo over a baby but I don't know what I feel' Jonny shook his head 'it's all so confusing. I think I love her but I don't _know _I love her. I'm uncertain and doesn't that speak volumes?'

'Jonny, you're tried and stressed' Mo moved herself to sit next to her friend. 'Its bound to take a little time to bond with Emma, especially seeing as you can't hold her.'

'Jac loves her and Joseph loves her. For them it has come unconditionally. It hasn't for me' Jonny took a deep breath before confessing to Mo 'I can't look past the wires and the tubes and see only her, a beautiful baby girl so full of wonderful possibility. Yet Jac does, you can see it written all over her face.'

'I saw it on your face too yesterday' Mo put a comforting arm around Jonny's shoulders 'you love Emma'

'I see her as mine, an item of ownership' Jonny looked down at his hands 'I'm sure if I stayed and Emma became well I would learn to fall head over heals in love with her. But for what? Weekend visits, every other Christmas and the constant wondering is she wishing she was with her other dad and cool older brother than hanging out with a fool like me?' Jonny looked seriously at his friend 'Emma deserves more than that. She need's satiability and father who can parent.'

'Are sure you can give up your child like that Jonny?' Mo whispered 'She's your flesh and blood. Believe me, it's not that easy.'

'I know, I'm not expecting it to be' Jonny grabbed hold of Mo's hand and held it tightly 'but I could do it for Jac. She's been through so much Mo. More than we could have imagined. I could give her this, I could give her happiness by doing this.'

'What are you talking about?' Mo looked confusedly at Jonny, well aware he was being lucid and controlled. 'Jac wants you to be part of Emma's life, she's told you enough times you're Emma's father.'

'She's doing what she feels is right but what if it's not for the best?' Jonny considered Mo for a moment before deciding he could trust her. 'Don't repeat this to anyone but Jac didn't have a great childhood, her father was absent and her mother frequently abandoned her. She grew up in care homes, not particularly nice ones either. I can just imagine her wishing she had a normal family, a mum and dad and siblings. By leaving I can let her give that to Emma, her daughter can have everything she didn't; an uncomplicated life.'

'What's normal Jonny?' Mo asked him sadly, knowing she wouldn't be able to make her best friend stay now his mind was made up.

'Its not me that's for sure' Jonny laughed bitterly 'I'm no good for Jac, I see it now. Elliot's right she needs someone like Joseph; gentle in nature but with a fighters instinct when things get tough.'

'What are you on about now Jonny Mac?' Mo wiped away tears that had started to fall.

'You know I told you about Jac's nightmares?' he watched as Mo nodded 'she has nightmares because she was raped' Jonny watched the look of shock form on Mo's face. 'Elliot told me I could frighten her with my quick temper. I see it now' he shrugged his shoulders uselessly 'I'm no good for her. I would never be able to understand her because she would never tell me the things she's told Joseph. She knows I'm not strong enough to deal with it. I'm the joker with the quick temper. What good is that for her?'

'I don't want you to leave' Mo spoke in barely a whisper.

'I have too. It's best for Emma and this way I can start again' he hugged Mo tightly 'I'll keep in touch, I promise.'

'You'll regret this Jonny Mac, I know you will' Mo warned him as they broke apart.

'It's my mistake to make Mo' he handed her tissue 'but I think this is the right thing for all of us.' He reached inside his jacket packet a pulled out a slightly crumpled letter. 'Can you give this to Jac?' he asked as he held out the letter to her 'it explains everything to her.'

'No, no way' Mo shook her head firmly 'I'm not doing your dirty work so you can take the cowards way out.'

'I know it's cowardly, I'm not going to argue' Jonny looked pleadingly at Mo 'but I can't bear to face her, not since I heard those things about her. I've treated her terribly and she didn't deserve it.' He watched as Mo considered him 'Please Mo? It's better than me just slipping away with no explanation at all' he made one last appeal. Mo sighed as she took the letter from him.

'I love you Mo Effanga' he spoke as he kissed her cheek. He stood and walked towards the door.

'Jonny?' Mo called to him as he opened the door. 'Let me know you're ok won't you?' He smiled and nodded before he stepped out into the ward and closed the door behind him. Mo looked down at the letter addressed to Jac she held in her hand. Never before had she felt so alone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you for reading. Don't be shy; please leave a review to let me know your thoughts! :-)**

Dear Jac,

This is probably going to be the hardest letter I will ever have to write and yet I know this is the best thing to do. I want to firstly tell you that I love you and I'm sorry for the way I treated you. You deserved better.

I have learnt a lot about you today, inadvertently, and I was shocked by the things I heard about your past. I'm sorry you've had it so tough, no one should have to face the things you have. I wish you would have told me yourself, perhaps I would have behaved differently with you. The thing is Jac I'm mortified by my behaviour towards you; my joking around and quick to fire temper. Neither of these were intended to frighten you but I understand now why they did. You are magnificent Jac. You are a warrior in life and Emma is lucky to have you as her mother.

I'm embarrassed that I have to write this letter to you, rather than talk to you face to face, but the thing is I don't know what to say to you. Words feel so meaningless now I truly know you. The reason I have to write this letter is to tell you I'm leaving Holby. I cannot be the father Emma deserves and it's not fair on her to make her live out two separate lives. Emma deserves a loving family; a mum, a dad and a brother. Without me here to complicate things you, Joseph and Harry can give her that. Emma, your daughter, can have everything you didn't. Joseph is a good father, I can see that from the way he is with Harry. He told me that he loves Emma because she is part if you and it is this which lets me know I can trust him to be the best father possible to our child. Because I know Emma will have the best parents possible I don't feel as though I am abandoning my daughter. Instead I know I am giving her the best chance for a normal happy life.

You once did a truly altruist thing by giving your mother your kidney despite of her continued abandonment of you. I'm not trying to compare what I'm doing to that; believe me I know leaving my sick baby will be seen as the cowards way out, but I want to see this as the universe's gift to you. Here it is being handed to you; your very own perfect family for you to love and love you in return.

This will be the best thing for both of us Jac I know it will. I can start afresh somewhere new and you now have the chance to have a beautiful thing; a tender loving husband and two beautiful children. I may be just a nurse but I'm not completely ignorant Jac, I know your chances of convincing a child were small even before you lost one of your ovaries. I feel as though it has been my privilege to able to give you Emma. You deserve this Jac so please do not be angry with me and just accept what I am giving you and Joseph.

I'll let you decide what you want to tell Emma. Whether you want to her know Joseph isn't her biological father is up to you. I want you know I'll always be here for our daughter should she want know where the other half of her genes come from. However I will not interfere with your family; I promise I will not just turn up unannounced one day having changed my mind. I'm fully aware as soon as I'd made this decision I will have to stick to it. It wouldn't be fair on Emma.

I hope you can understand why I've made this decision. I will always love you Jac and I'm proud we created Emma. I will be in touch with Mo as soon as I've gotten myself settled so she'll always know how to contact me.

With all my heart,

Jonny

Jac finished reading the letter and then passed it to Sacha. 'Did you read it?' she questioned Mo who stood anxiously at the end of bed.

'No' Mo shook her head.

'But you have talked with him? He talked this over with you?' Jac twisted the engagement ring on her finger anxiously as she spoke

'Yes, I tried to persuade him stay' Mo's eyes brimmed with tears 'I'm sorry Jac.'

Sacha placed a comforting hand on Jac's shoulder as he finished reading the letter. 'It's not your fault' he spoke comfortingly to both women 'either of you, this is not either of your faults'

'But…' Jac started to say as Sacha cut her off 'I know what you are going to say Jac and no I don't believe that's the case.'

'What's the case?' Mo asked as she wiped her eyes with a tissue.

'That what he overheard about me this morning was too much of a shock, it was too much for him to handle' Jac bit down on her bottom lip as she tried not to cry.

'Oh Jac' Mo breathed as she touched the woman's foot comfortingly.

'No, you are not blaming yourself for this Jac' Sacha spoke firmly to her 'and if that were the case then its best he did leave, it is not your fault Jonny has left Emma.'

Jac nodded at her friend to show him she understood. 'I want to see Emma' she spoke for the umpteenth time that day.

'Jac' Sacha sighed with frustration.

'She's all alone Sacha' tears that were welling her eyes spilled over and ran down her cheeks 'please' she begged her friend 'I'm all she has now'

Sacha considered the options before deciding to agree. 'We do it as I say though, agreed?'

'Thank you' Jac squeezed his hand.

'Can you find us a wheelchair please Mo?' Sacha asked their mutual friend as he began unhooking Jac's IV lines. 'Emma doesn't just have you Jac' he spoke comfortingly to her as they waited for Mo to return 'she has Joseph and Mo, Elliot, Michael and, of course, me.'

'I know that' she smiled sadly 'I just don't want her to feel abandoned'.

'There's no one around if you want to do this unnoticed' Mo informed them as she returned pushing an empty wheelchair. 'We'll have to quick though.' She watched as Sasha tenderly picked Jac up in his arms and slowly placed her down in the wheelchair, causing as little movement to her as he could.

'Ok?' he smiled at his friend as he placed a blanket over her knees to keep her warm. She nodded back at him and smiled to let him know being moved wasn't as painful as she'd been expecting. 'Right then, lets go' Sacha pushed Jac quickly through the empty corridors of Holby Care. 'Do you want me to phone Joseph? Let him know what's happening?'

'No' Jac shook her head 'let him have a quiet night at home with Harry. There'll be plenty of time to explain in the morning.' A confused looking nurse let them into NICU however she let them move onto Emma's cot without any questioning.

'Right ten minutes tops' Sacha gave Jac a stern look as he parked her up as close to the cot as he could.

'If you let me stay here for twenty you could go and get yourself a coffee' Jac attempted to bargain with him knowing he was still feeling effects of lasts nights drinking session.

'Ok fine' Sacha sighed 'but no moving out of that chair and Mo stays with you'

'I think you've lost her' Mo whispered to Sacha as she saw the way Jac was absorbed in looking at her baby.

'You'll be ok to stay with her?' Sacha asked. He watched as Mo nodded. 'Thank you Mo' he squeezed her shoulder 'you're a good friend'

Mo watched as Jac gently stroked Emma's cheek. 'How is it possible to love someone this much?' Jac asked aloud.

'I have no idea' Mo smiled as she moved around to the other side of the cot to sit on the empty stool. 'You know I'm furious with Jonny for leaving when you and Emma both need him. He was talking to me about how this was the best thing for Emma, this way she could grow up with an uncomplicated life, and the whole time I was thinking to myself what a coward he is. He just cannot deal with it when things get tough.'

'I'm sorry Mo' Jac looked sympathetically at the woman who'd just lost her best friend 'I'm sorry he left you to be the messenger'

'You know what though?' Mo touched Emma's tiny hand gently with one her fingers 'I reckon he's done right thing by leaving. Emma needs strong people in her life and you and Joseph are great parents. I think that'll be all Emma Naylor needs.'

'Naylor-Maconie' Jac corrected Mo softly 'her surname was going to be Naylor-Maconie'

'I think you should drop the Maconie' Mo smiled down at the baby 'Emma Naylor suits her better, sounds more like the fighter she is.'

'You won't always be this angry at him Mo' Jac spoke softly watching Mo as she gently stroked Emma's hand 'you might not agree with Jonny but you'll forgive him eventually. It's what friends do.'

'How can you not be angry?' Mo looked across the cot at Jac, staring the woman in the eye. It was then that she saw it, the sadness that constantly surrounded Jac like a shroud.

'Because mostly I'm heart-broken.' Jac smiled weakly 'I'm angry that he can just walk away because it suits him but I'm sad for Emma.' She brushed away unwanted tears with the back of her hand 'whatever Sacha say's I feel like as though it is a little my fault and because of it Emma has lost her father.'

'It was Jonny's choice to leave' Mo looked sternly at Jac 'so what if the facts of your past were hard for him to hear? It doesn't justify anything. You live with it, the actual memory of it, every day and I don't ever see you boo hoo-ing about it.' Mo picked up a box of tissues and passed them to Jac across the cot. 'Sacha's right, this is not your fault, this was Jonny's choice and now we all have to live with it.' Jac nodded as she wiped away her tears. 'Now you have a beautiful daughter, a ridiculously cute son and, dare I say it, a dashingly handsome fiancé' Mo grinned jestingly at Jac 'so if you think I'm going to feel sorry for you Ms Naylor you've got another thing coming.'

'Sorry' Jac laughed as she wiped away the last of her tears 'we'll put it down to hormones.'

'Mummy's a lucky girl isn't she Emma?' Mo spoke softly to the sedated baby 'although not as lucky as you having a strong feisty mummy, a big brother who can't wait to be able to play with you and Joseph Byrne for your daddy. What a blessed little girl you are.'


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you for reading. Please review as all thoughts and opinions are greatly appreciated :-) **

Joseph Byrne felt as though his heart could simply burst with pride as he witnessed his fiancée holding her baby daughter for the first time. She'd been hesitant at first, worried she wouldn't be able to bond with her baby, that she wouldn't feel natural with her. Joseph had coxed her into it, carefully and persistently refusing to be the first one to hold Emma, telling Jac it had to be her; Emma needed her.

Marvelling at Joseph's pervasive tactic's Mr Solis was able to carefully place Emma Naylor into her mother's arms for the first time five weeks after her birth and two weeks after her successful operation. It was moments like these that made his job bearable. The look on Jac Naylor's face as she felt the weight of her own baby in her arms was its own reward for the fight the NICU team had endured to ensure the infants survival.

'Isn't she just perfect?' Jac smiled down at her daughter wriggling in her arms. The sensation of love she felt for her daughter was almost overwhelming but Jac now knew she could be a mother, any remaining doubts she might have left her the instant Emma was in her arms. She might not always get things right but she could be a good loving mother to Emma. She looked up to smile at Joseph and caught him wiping away a tear with a doe-eyed expression of love on his face.

'She's beautiful' he smiled back 'you're beautiful'. He kissed Jac on the cheek and gently put his finger into Emma's tiny palm. The baby opened her light green eyes as her miniature fingers grasped hold of his, as if letting him know she accepted him. Joseph put his arm around Jac's shoulder as he whispered 'hello baby'. The baby yawned and then closed her eyes again.

'I think she's the most precious thing I've held in my hands' Jac mused as she leant forward and gently kissed the top of Emma's head.

'Perhaps Dad should have a quick cuddle before we put Emma back for a rest?' Mr Solis suggested as he brought another seat up to Emma's cot for Joseph.

Joseph hesitated for a moment, unsure if he should interrupt the short cuddle between Jac and her daughter. 'Sit down Joseph and hold our daughter' Jac laughed softly seeing his dilemma. He smiled at her as he did as she directed and sat himself in chair waiting for Mr Solis to move the child from Jac's arms and deposit her into his.

'Hey, hey Baby' Joseph whispered softly as Emma started to whimper, slightly disgruntled at being moved from her mother's warm arms into those of another. The baby stretch herself listening to the calm tones of her chosen father, before deciding to settle into sleep once more. 'She's so tiny' Joseph laughed softly 'hardly any weight to her.'

'That will soon change, believe me' Mr Solis laughed, walking away to give the family a few minutes of privacy before he would have to return Emma to her cot.

'Well Baby, you've given Mummy and I much to worry over but you are very much worth it' Joseph talked softly to the child 'and soon we can take you home.'

'To a small two bedroom flat with limited storage' Jac sighed as thought about the predicament of their current living situation.

'It'll be fine Jac' Joseph smiled reassuringly at her 'it'll only be until we find the right house. We don't need to put up the cot to start with, she'll be in her mosses basket for a while yet. We'll manage, we always do.'

* * *

'Jac?' Mo approached the red haired woman sat in Darwin's consultant's office cautiously.

'If you're going to remind me I'm meant to be on maternity leave, I'm just checking a few things' Jac rolled her eyes at Mo good humouredly.

'No it's not that' Mo smiled lightly as took a seat on the sofa 'I had a call from Jonny.'

'Oh' Jac's smile dropped 'is he alright?'

'He said he is. He found a job' Mo watched Jac's face intently.

'Did he say where he is?'

'No' Mo shook her head 'just that he is in Scotland. He asked after you'

'But not Emma?'

Mo shook her head sadly 'I told him she was doing well. He said he was pleased, he said he was happy it's all worked out for you.'

'What about when Emma gets old enough to start asking questions?' Jac crossed her arms as she sighed. 'I meant what I said Mo, Joseph and I will not lie to her. She'll grow up knowing Joseph is not biologically her father.'

Mo shrugged her shoulders helplessly 'I guess we'll just have to try our best to answer them for her. I thank God she has Joseph.'

'I'm thankful too' Jac smiled wistfully 'I'm thankful to Joseph for taking on everything unconditionally and without hesitation'.

'So have you' Mo smiled softly 'you've accepted Harry as your own. Why wouldn't Joseph do the same for Emma?'

'Its funny how life turns out sometimes huh?' Jac laughed quietly.

'I think its best not to question it, just go with it' Mo laughed.

'Maybe' Jac rubbed her tried eyes 'perhaps Sacha is right; what will be will be. He's a firm believer in things always work out in the end.'

'I guess we just need patience' Mo mused.

'You know you'll always have a place in Emma's life don't you Mo?' Jac spoke kindly, knowing Mo must feel strangely lost without her best friend anchoring her existence 'I don't think we could do without Aunty Mo.'

'Or Uncle Michael, Uncle Sacha and Grandpa Elliot?' Mo laughed.

'Welcome to the family' Jac laughed back.

'That means a lot Jac' Mo smiled sincerely.

* * *

'When can we take Emma home?' Harry asked for the umpteenth time as he stood next to Jac as she cradled his new sister in her arms.

'It'll be a little while yet Harry' Jac answered him patiently 'we have to wait until she's completely better.'

'But she's already better' Harry protested as her gently stroked Emma's hand the way his Dad had shown him.

'Well she is much better but she still needs lots of looking after' Jac smiled amusedly at Harry 'you need to be patient for a little bit longer.'

'How long will it be before she's big enough to play with me?' Harry asked another of his current favourite questions.

'Ages and ages' Jac teased him laughingly, cradling the baby in one arm and smoothing Harry's dark hair with her free hand. 'But there will be lots of things you can do to help Emma until then.'

'I think Emma is much prettier than my friend Alfie's little sister' Harry spoke honestly as he looked down at his sister.

'Harry that's not very nice' Jac managed to hide her amusement as she scolded the child.

'But she is mummy, honestly'

'It's still not a very nice thing to say Harry, all babies are beautiful.' Jac looked across at Joseph to see her fiancé grinning as he watched her with both their children. 'What?' she asked him, raising her eyebrow questioningly at him.

Joseph shook his head as he laughed softly 'nothing and everything.' He walked over to where she sat and knelt beside her, kissing her cheek. 'Everything I could possibly want from the world is right here in this room' he whispered in her ear 'I'm the luckiest man on earth.'


	18. Chapter 18

**Final chapter! Thank you to everyone who has read this story and especially to those who took the time to leave a review. Please feel free to leave a last review to let me know your thoughts on the ending :-) **

It had been at least three and a half years since Jonny Maconie had last stood outside Holby City hospital waiting for his best friend Mo Effanga. He had phoned her a week ago to say he'd be in the area and agreed to meet her. He closed his eyes as he tilted his head to feel the warmth of the early autumn sunshine on his face. The leaves on the trees had started turning littering the grounds of the hospital with flurries of brilliant reds, yellows and oranges. He opened his eyes as he heard a familiar voice calling out to her child.

'Be careful Harry, your shoelace is undone.'

He watched as a young dark haired boy dressed in school uniform stooped to tie his shoe and was soon joined by his red haired mother and little sister.

'What time was Dad supposed to finish work?' Harry asked his mother.

'About ten minutes ago' she pulled her phone out her pocket and checked the screen 'see he's just text to say he's getting changed and then he'll be down. Come on we'll wait on the bench over there' Jac Naylor smiled at her son as she stooped and picked up her small daughter onto her hip.

Jonny watched as the little family walked to the bench laughing and talking easily together. He was fascinated by the little girl, red haired and so clearly like her mother becoming quickly cross by her elder brother teasingly pulling at her curls. Jonny smiled as he watched Jac refereeing between the two children, making them sit either side of her so neither could annoy the other.

'So you came then Jonny Mac' Jonny turned around at the sound of Mo's slightly frosty voice.

'It's good to see you Mo' he gave her a small apologetic smile 'you look well.'

'So do you' Mo nodded curtly at him. 'Come on we'd better move on somewhere else, Joseph Byrne will be down in a minute and I'm assuming you still want to keep the visit a secret.'

'Can we go to the peace garden?' Jonny suggested 'it's such a beautiful evening.'

'Sure' Mo started walking towards the seating area leaving Jonny to follow her. As she sat down on the wooden bench she realised why Jonny had suggested the spot; they had a clear view of Jac Naylor patiently waiting with her two children. 'So you've seen Emma then' Mo nodded her head in the direction of the family.

'Yeah' Jonny nodded as he sat down next to Mo 'I just wanted a glimpse, to see for myself she and Jac are really happy'

'So now you have what do you think?' Mo crossed her arms as she questioned her friend.

'She's so much like Jac, apart from the curls you wouldn't even know she was mine' Jonny smiled 'she's so beautiful'.

'You could meet her properly you know, I wasn't lying when I said Jac and Joseph have told Emma she has two Daddies.'

'How does Jac tell her about me?' Jonny shifted uncomfortably.

'She has a photograph of you and they tell her you are Daddy Jonny who gave Emma to Mummy and Daddy.' Mo shrugged her shoulders 'I'm guessing as Emma gets older they'll include a few more details. They just didn't want her growing up on a half-truth and then having a shock when she was told about you.'

They watched as Joseph came out of the building and walked up to his waiting family.

'Daddy!' Emma squealed delightedly but a bit too loudly and with a slightly distorted sound to her voice.

'She's hearing impaired?' Jonny asked, a little surprised, as he watched Joseph laughingly swinging Emma up into his arms, reminding the child to keep her volume a little lower.

'She has forty per cent hearing, but she doesn't let that hold her back' Mo placed a hand on Jonny's arm 'it happens sometimes in children with CDH. They don't know why.'

'You never told me' Jonny stared intently as Joseph set Emma down on her feet, hugged Harry and then kissed Jac.

'I'm sorry, I should of done but I thought you weren't coming back' Mo squeezed his arm, feeling guilty that she'd let him have this shock. 'She's perfectly healthy otherwise though Jonny, I promise you.'

'She looks perfect' Jonny smiled as he watched his daughter leave with her parents and brother. 'I made the right the decision Mo. I know you don't agree but it was the best thing Emma. I stayed away to make sure it would work, for Joseph to be Emma's father'

'You should probably know Jac and Joseph are now the Byrne-Naylor's. Harry is still a Byrne and Emma is still Naylor. I told Jac to drop the Maconie, it seemed less confusing that way.'

'I don't mind' Jonny shrugged 'I have no right to mind'

'That's true' Mo spoke bluntly.

'I'm sorry I left you Mo'

'Hm' was the only response Jonny was going to get to that. They sat in silence for a while until Mo decided to do what Jac had asked of her. She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out an envelope addressed to Jonny. 'This is for you, from Jac.' She held out the envelope to her friend 'she gave it to me a year ago, in case you ever told me where you were.'

'Thanks' Jonny mumbled as he took the envelope from his friend. As he did so he noticed a diamond ring on her finger. 'Mo, are you engaged?' he asked her with surprise.

'Yeah' Mo answered him shyly as she glanced down at the ring on her own finger

'Congratulations' Jonny beamed at his friend 'to anyone I would know?'

'To Derwood Thompson' Mo smiled at her friend.

'Well that's great' Jonny responded enthusiastically 'I'm really pleased for you.' He nudged her lightly with his shoulder as he jokingly called her 'Mrs T'.

'What about you, have you met anyone?'

'No' Jonny shook his head 'I don't think I'm ready for that yet.'

'It's been nearly four years Jonny'

'I know, but my head has been a bit of a mess. I'm doing better now though, I'm in a better place.'

'So what about Emma?' Mo was determined to question him about his intentions towards his daughter.

Jonny looked down at the envelope in his hands. 'I write to her you know, every once in a while a write Emma a little letter. I've never sent them but I've kept hold of them.'

'Perhaps you should send them, start contact that way'

'I don't want to interfere with the life she has with Jac and Joseph, I made that choice and now I have to live with it.' Jonny shrugged his shoulders uselessly.

'Emma knows who you are Jonny, I don't think a few letters will have a massive impact on her life but it might help you and her to have some sort of relationship later on.' Mo rubbed Jonny's arm affectionately 'she's your flesh and blood and she has a right to know where she comes from and what her biological father is like.'

'What about Joseph? The poor man is doing a brilliant job of raising my daughter as his own. It wouldn't be fair for me to waltz back in now.'

'No you're right, it wouldn't. Joseph and Emma have a very clear father daughter bond. In fact she is a right Daddy's girl. You cannot expect to have that with Emma.' Mo gave her friend realistic and fair warning. 'But you can still get to know your daughter.'

'Maybe' Jonny smiled as he slit open the envelope in his hand and pulled out several photographs of Emma as a toddler. 'She's is so much like Jac' Jonny chuckled as he looked through them. At the bottom of the pile was a small note written in Jac's handwriting.

Jonny,

I want you to know I'm not angry at you, only sad that you didn't stay for Emma. She is the most beautiful little girl and is very much loved by all of us. Joseph and I are very happy raising her together with Harry. Harry adores his little sister although he also enjoys teasing her until she is quite cross too! I can assure you she has my cross face so it would amuse you. I want you to know Joseph and I talk to Emma about you, she'll grow up knowing you're her biological father. I hope one day you will get in contact. You can meet Emma whenever you're ready to. You were right in your letter when you said having a family was all I ever wanted. Thank you for giving me Emma, I am blessed to have her in my life.

With love

Jac

'Perhaps you're right, I'll write Jac a letter, give her the one's I've written for Emma.' Jonny spoke as he tucked the note and the photographs into his coat pocket.

'I'll have to tell her I've seen you Jonny, I can't keep this from her'

'Ok' Jonny nodded. 'Tell her I'll write regularly, for Emma, if that would be ok with her.'

'Are you happy Jonny?' Mo carefully asked her friend.

'I'm getting there' Jonny smiled at his friend 'I've returned home, which is the best thing for me. I'm glad I've seen for myself how things have worked out for Jac and Emma too'.

'It was a big risk you took; it could have gone badly wrong for all involved.'

'No' Jonny shook his head 'I knew Jac would make it work, she loves Joseph, Harry and Emma with such intensity, there's no way she'd let it all slip away from her.'

'Then maybe your decision was right one' Mo begrudgingly agreed with him for the first time.

'It wasn't easy, you were right Mo' Jonny put his arm around his friend. 'I've spent the last three years fighting a battle in my own head, feeling guilty and being unsure of myself. I've had to relearn that life is always beautiful, provided you take the time to find the beauty. Somehow I'd forgotten that somewhere along the way.'


End file.
